Our Analysis is No Joke… But the Jokes Are
The 2024 Dallas Cowboys sucked. Please don’t take my word for it, Dak Prescott said it himself, but with a bit more colorful language thrown in there. Things got messier …
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The name of the game for Dallas was building the big uglies up front early and late, and filling in around the edges with a corner, a linebacker, and a …
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The Dallas Cowboys are certainly an interesting bunch. They refuse to pay anyone, citing future flexibility to make sure that they can pay everyone. As such, this might be the …
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There’s no two ways around it: the Cowboys did nothing this offseason to bolster their offensive weaponry. Tony Pollard is a Titan, Michael Gallup is a Raider, and Ezekiel Elliott …
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Disclaimer: we are not researchers, just compilers and writers. A majority of these numbers can be found in a myriad of places. For simplicity’s sake, and to prevent you from …
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The Dallas Cowboys made headlines this offseason, releasing long-term stud and face of the franchise Ezekiel Elliott and allowing Dalton Schultz to abscond off to the Houston Texans to be …
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Cue It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year. The new NFL season is upon us, and so much hope and intrigue filled the games in week one. The NFL …
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It’s that time of year once again! Football Absurdity will bring you a breakdown of every notable fantasy football-relevant player throughout June, July, and August. Now that we’ve finished with …
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It’s that time of year once again! Football Absurdity will bring you a breakdown of every notable fantasy football-relevant player throughout June, July, and August. Now that we’ve finished with …
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It’s that time of year once again! Football Absurdity will bring you a breakdown of every notable fantasy football-relevant player throughout June, July, and August. We continue with the tight …
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It’s that time of year once again! Football Absurdity will bring you a breakdown of every notable fantasy football-relevant player throughout June, July, and August. We continue with the wide …
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It’s that time of year once again! Football Absurdity will bring you a breakdown of every notable fantasy football-relevant player throughout June, July, and August. We continue with the wide …
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It’s that time of year once again! Football Absurdity will bring you a breakdown of every notable fantasy football-relevant player throughout June, July, and August. We continue with the running …
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It’s that time of year once again! Football Absurdity will bring you a breakdown of every notable fantasy football-relevant player throughout June, July, and August. We continue with the running …
Read More It’s that time of year once again! Football Absurdity will bring you a breakdown of every notable fantasy football-relevant player throughout June, July, and August. We start off with the …
Read More Every summer, we take a deep dive into the fantasy football average draft position (ADP) of players on each real-life NFL team. We do this so that we can determine …
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The Dallas Cowboys went into 2021 with one of the best offenses, at least on paper. But, the offensive line continued to fall back to the league average, and injuries …
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Ah, the NFL Draft. The annual tradition where teams make every incoming prospect strip down to their underwear and run around before picking them for dodgeball. Teams will jockey for …
Read MoreThe pre-free agency period had a couple big pieces of news this past weekend, right up until Tom Brady slammed his fist down and upended the entire chessboard. But, both …
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Our comedy experts and expert comedians reveal their picks for the 2022 Super Bowl. Jeff Krisko, Football Absurdity Editor-in-Chief: The Niners will win the Super Bowl; it’s a foregone conclusion. …
Read More The Dallas Cowboys started their season with beach cruisers on Hard Knocks and ended their season with a bang, trouncing the Philadelphia Eagles who… had nothing to play for. Gardner …
Read More Through five games of the 2021 NFL season, we have a definitive answer to a situation that we wanted to get sorted out before leaning into it this season: Dalton …
Read More “I’M LOSING IT!!! WHAT THE HECK IS GOIN’ ON?!” Jeezaloo! Count slooowly backward from 20, find your comfy sweatpants/pajama pants/what have you and fix up a cup of tea. You …
Read More It’s that time of year once again! Football Absurdity will bring you a breakdown of every notable fantasy football-relevant player throughout June, July, and August. We continue with the running …
Read More It’s that time of year once again! Football Absurdity will bring you a breakdown of every notable fantasy football-relevant player throughout June, July, and August. We’ve run through 20 quarterbacks …
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It’s that time of year once again! Football Absurdity will bring you a breakdown of every notable fantasy football-relevant player throughout June, July, and August. We’ve run through 20 quarterbacks …
Read More As we gear up to the start of the NFL season, Football Absurdity is going to bring you a comprehensive breakdown of every notable player that will be available in fantasy …
Read More As we gear up to the start of the NFL season, Football Absurdity is going to bring you a comprehensive breakdown of every notable player that will be available in fantasy …
Read More It’s that time of year once again! Football Absurdity will bring you a breakdown of every notable fantasy football-relevant player throughout June, July, and August. We start off with the …
Read More Every summer, we take a deep dive into the fantasy football average draft position (ADP) of players on each real-life NFL team. We do this so that we can determine …
Read More The Dallas Cowboys are set at all the fantasy football-eligible positions, so it shouldn’t surprise you that not only did they only take one guy, but they didn’t take him …
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The NFC East was the worst division in football in 2020, and it wasn’t even close. There was a point in mid-October where it was mathematically possible that a five-win …
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We spent the entire week feeding analytics into our Super Computer and uppers into our analysts. The result is the most advanced 2021 NFL mock draft you will find without …
Read More Dak Prescott got what he wanted from the Dallas Cowboys: a long-term contract north of $40 million annually with a no-trade clause and a no-tag clause. Dak Prescott has, as …
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The 2020 iteration of the Dallas Cowboys died the moment Dak Prescott’s foot violently detached from the rest of his body. After that point, everyone became a mess. The Cowboys …
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We made it, folks! It’s the fantasy football finals, and it’s time for our final edition of tight end sleepers. What a crazy year it was, with the Titans being …
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It’s time for the 2020 fantasy football playoffs. Hopefully, you have all the guys you need on your roster already. If you don’t, we have a tight end sleeper list …
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It’s time for the 2020 fantasy football playoffs. Hopefully, you have all the guys you need on your roster already. If you don’t, we have a running back sleeper list …
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It’s time for the 2020 fantasy football playoffs. Hopefully, you have all the guys you need on your roster already. If you don’t, we have a quarterback sleeper list here …
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It’s time for the Thanksgiving Day games, and with it, a full slate of six teams [update: four teams] to futilely try to pull value from the games. Just like …
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This year, we get our usual triple-tap set of Thanksgiving games, but this year, we don’t have to argue with our uncle about whether or not the change in frequency …
Read More With ten weeks in the books, it really feels like we’ve gone through four or five seasons worth of frustration and heartbreak. Let’s keep this FUN train rolling towards our …
Read More With a handful of players on bye weeks and another handful of people injured, navigating your wide receivers can be challenging. Week eleven has some interesting options for you to …
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With ten weeks in the books, it really feels like we’ve gone through four or five seasons worth of frustration and heartbreak. Let’s keep this FUN train rolling towards our …
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It’s week eleven, so you really shouldn’t be in a pinch at quarterback at this point. Or, you’re like me: you have Josh Allen everywhere and kept telling yourself that …
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I can’t believe we are already over halfway done with the fantasy football season. If we are being completely honest, I didn’t think that we would get here. I didn’t. …
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After this week, we will be halfway through the fantasy football season. It feels like just yesterday that we frantically drafted our fantasy teams after the NFL decided they would, …
Read More Look at you NFL! You finished week seven in a season we didn’t think would finish, and suddenly we’re halfway through the year. This week of the season came into …
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It’s week seven, and every single fantasy football team is in shambles. Well, not every team, but a lot of them! It’s time to plug in the holes in your …
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Does anybody read this part? Or do you just find the guy you want answers to in the headers below? It’s probably the second, right? Anyway, should you start or …
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If you read my article on playing the waiver wire game, you know that it is an essential part of winning your fantasy football league. If you haven’t read it, what …
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Oh, man! Injuries! Coronavirus! More injuries! And Rob Gronkowski looking like burnt toast! At least one of these things was unexpected, but in a more real sense, you could see …
Read More It’s week four, and if you are like most of us, your tight end pooped the bed last week. That means you’ve turned to players you didn’t think you would …
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While the wide receivers mostly survived the week two bloodletting in the NFL (knocks on wood), they didn’t escape entirely. Julio Jones aggravated his hamstring, Courtland Sutton and Parris Campbell …
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Fantasy football week one is in the books, and we had a lot of our questions answered… or did we? You can’t make a pattern with one data point, and …
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Every week, Football Absurdity helps you through your difficult start or sit decisions. We start off our wide receiver start or sit series by taking a look at three guys …
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The Dallas Cowboys failed to ink quarterback Dak Prescott to a long-term deal before the franchise tag deadline this offseason. That came on the heels of adding the best wide …
Read More As we gear up to the start of the NFL season, Football Absurdity is going to bring you a comprehensive breakdown of every notable player that will be available in …
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As we gear up to the start of the NFL season, Football Absurdity is going to bring you a comprehensive breakdown of every notable player that will be available in …
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As we gear up to the start of the NFL season, Football Absurdity is going to bring you a comprehensive breakdown of every notable player that will be available in …
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As we gear up to the start of the NFL season, Football Absurdity is going to bring you a comprehensive breakdown of every notable player that will be available in …
Read More CeeAs we gear up to the start of the NFL season, Football Absurdity is going to bring you a comprehensive breakdown of every notable player that will be available in …
Read More As we gear up to the start of the NFL season, Football Absurdity is going to bring you a comprehensive breakdown of every notable player that will be available in …
Read More The 2020 NFL Draft is in the books, and that means it’s time for us to fully turn our attention to the 2020 NFL season and fantasy football. While COVID-19 …
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The first round of the NFL draft is complete! All-in-all, eleven (!) fantasy football eligible players went in this round. Wildly enough, we had four quarterbacks, six wide receivers, one …
Read More Draft Day is tomorrow! Sports stuff will finally happen! Dallas not making the playoffs was a bizarre twist last season, one they should be focusing their entire strategy on preventing …
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We’ve gotten through the NFC West and NFC North NFL Draft Fantasy Football Wishlists. Now, it’s time to take a look at the division we get way too much of …
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Erstwhile ESPN jibber-jabberer, former Dallas Cowboy and eternal tight end Jason Witten will play for a different franchise for the first time in his NFL career this season. Witten joins …
Read More Finally, the Dallas Cowboys’ Jason Garrett Era mercifully ended in January. Jerry Jones, after a sleepover (literally), tapped Mike McCarthy to replace the Clapper-in-Chief in Dallas. We still must take …
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Black Monday 2019 The NFL regular season is over and heads are already rolling. When NFL teams miss the playoffs, NFL teams fire head coaches. Black Monday marks the end …
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Each week I will be discussing the funniest football happenings that take place in the NFL. All the hoopla of the players, crowds, and referees will be under my absurdity …
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The NFL calendar says we just finished week fourteen, but this really feels like Christmas to me. I am a deflated Chicago Bears fan and well, we have nothing to …
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Happy Thanksgiving! Nothing like a three-game, triple-header, trifecta of football games on Turkey Day. This holiday season we are treated to the annual Lions and Cowboys games. These teams will …
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Should I Start or Sit Michael Gallup, Kenny Golladay or John Brown in Week 13? As you know, my wife and I are going head to head this year to …
Read More Ah, Thanksgiving. That time where friends and family all get together and act like the whole situation isn’t a delicately balanced powder keg sitting three stories above a tire fire. …
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Should I Start or Sit A.J. Brown, Chris Conley, or Randall Cobb in Week 12 As you know, my wife and I are going head to head this year to …
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(Guest Author: A Guy Who Doesn’t Understand Metrics) It’s time to look at week 11 injuries from a standpoint of pure analytics. I’m casting emotion aside and showing you the …
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Should I Start or Sit Jared Cook, Greg Olsen, or O.J. Howard in Week 11 As you know, my wife and I are going head to head this year to …
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I’m going to level with you. There aren’t many great running back sleeper candidates this week, so I hit you all with a pivot in the sleepers series. First, an …
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Should I Start Jimmy Garoppolo , Kirk Cousins, or Dak Prescott in Week 10 This year, for start-or-sit advice, I’ve decided to share my wife’s fantasy football “insight” with the …
Read More Week 6 in the NFL sees the Dallas Cowboys in freefall, having lost 3 straight games with a listless offense and banged-up defense. In our last preseason podcast, I picked …
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Ah, daily fantasy football. The last bastion of fantasy football junkies, who can’t do any significant roster tinkering on a Saturday, so they wander into their daily fantasy football client …
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Zombies have had a cultural moment recently. The modern concept of zombies stems from the voodoo practiced by West African slaves in Haiti. While they are not the only undead …
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It’s been a great year so far for fantasy football sleeper wide receivers. We’ve already seen a myriad of guys break out and graduate from this article. Never fear, however, …
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July and August are the best time of the year for fantasy football. We all start to formulate strategies, plant our flags, and decide who we will yell at on …
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(Source https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Dak_Prescott_handoff_vs_Redskins_2017.jpg under https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/deed.en) As we gear up to the start of the NFL season, Football Absurdity is going to bring you a comprehensive breakdown of every notable player that will …
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There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
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As we gear up to the start of the NFL season, Football Absurdity is going to bring you a comprehensive breakdown of every notable player that will be available in …
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2018’s Best Fantasy Football Player: Ezekiel Elliott, Running Back 2018’s Biggest Fantasy Football Disappointment: Dak Prescott, Quarterback 2019 Fantasy Football Draft Wishlist: Deep Threat WR, Backup RB The Dallas Cowboys …
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Jerruh, here. I’ve spent good money to buy air time on the Internet and I’m dictating this to my leggiest secretary, so listen up! I’m making all the decisions for …
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Super Bowl Predictions We were wondering: is there an article we can make that ensures all of us, save maybe one, look like fools? Then it hit us: Super Bowl …
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2019 NFL Divisional Round Predictions Last week’s wild card picks were a breeze! Everyone knew that the struggling Eagles would best the vaunted #1 Bears defense. That Indianapolis’ spotty D …
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2019 NFL Wild Card Predictions We know it’s a week late but we think the song that should kick off the NFL playoffs is ‘It’s the most wonderful time of …
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Week 16 Start or Sit Blake Jarwin, Chris Herndon, or David Njoku Congrats on reaching your fantasy football finals. “Wait, Evan,” you may be thinking, “I’m actually in my fantasy …
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Week 16 TE Sleepers I am now sixteen weeks into filling your brain pans with flowery language about generally marginal talent at a fickle position that is mostly touchdown dependent, …
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Week 16 WR Sleepers It’s the fantasy football finals, which means you have more cajones than anyone on earth to be checking out WR sleepers. Nevertheless, we are here to …
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Start or Sit Dak Prescott, Baker Mayfield, or Josh Allen? It’s the fantasy football finals, and you are completely unsure of your roster, despite it getting you all the way …
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Fantasy Football Week 15: Start or Sit Jimmy Graham, Vernon Davis, or Blake Jarwin? Chances are, if you’re reading this, you’re in the thick of it. I’m not talking about …
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What a difference a year makes. This time last year Eagles fans were mourning the loss of their star QB and abandoning all hope as some dude name Nick Foles …
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Start or Sit Josh Allen, Dak Prescott, or Lamar Jackson? It’s the fantasy football semifinals, and every start or sit decision could mean the last fantasy decision you make for …
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Fantasy Football Week 12: Start or Sit Dak Prescott, Andy Dalton, or Kirk Cousins? Week twelve is upon us, which means that some of us are just two games away …
Read More Week 11 QB Sleepers Every week, we highlight QB sleepers available in over 50% of Yahoo! leagues to help you find players streamable to help you win! For those of …
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Week 11 WR Sleepers Every week, we highlight WR sleepers available in over 50% of Yahoo! leagues to help you find players streamable to help you win! For those of …
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Fantasy Football Week 11: Start or Sit Alshon Jeffery, Amari Cooper, or T.Y. Hilton? Week eleven is upon us, which means that some of us are just two games away …
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Fantasy Football Week 11: Start or Sit Eli Manning, Dak Prescott, or Josh Rosen? Week 11 is upon us, which means that some of us are just two games away …
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Fantasy Football Week 10 WR Sleepers Every week, we try to help you find WR sleepers that have great matchups that could make the difference between victory or defeat in …
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Fantasy Football Week 9: Start or Sit Dak Prescott, Case Keenum, or Ben Roethlisberger? It’s fantasy football week nine, and the difficulty level matches the week. This week is one of …
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For the 2018 season, we will explore a 2018 fantasy football sleeper, breakout (or bounce back), and bust from every NFL team. First, a sleeper can leap into top-tier production …
Read More If you like a big belly full of running back, then this fantasy football Ezekiel Elliott player profile is for you. As we gear up to the start of the …
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As we turn our attention to the NFC East, we first look to the rookie’s drafted by the Dallas Cowboys. They are America’s team but this is mostly because that’s …
Read More Find out in this fantasy football Dak Prescott player profile. As we gear up to the start of the NFL season, Football Absurdity is going to bring you a comprehensive …
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Welcome to the Thirty Team Parlay, a weekly column on Football Absurdity that focuses on the week in football gambling. We’ll bring you the best bets, biggest longshots, and try …
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The NFC East is the home of the 2017 NFL champions, the Philadelphia Eagles. They didn’t stop there, and the rest of the division certainly followed suit in making a …
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The Dallas Cowboys cut their mercurial wide receiver Dez Bryant on Friday. An endless torrent of spilled pixels and uttered syllables followed. They all had their own genius ideas on …
Read MoreYour life is a yin-yang: You can analyze the parts any way you want, but if you step back it will always resemble a giant zero. On the one side …
Read More The plan for protection in the Dallas Cowboys disaster draft preparation comes down to keeping their absolute strength together. It shouldn’t be hard, as it’s almost entirely on one side …
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After literal weeks of ineptitude, the Cowboys offense finally showed that it’s capable of performing like an actual, functional NFL offense without Ezekiel Elliott. Both of these teams played on …
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As I wrote about earlier this year, Jason Witten completed his gradual fall from weekly fantasy football tight end starter to stream-only option this year. He’s become one of the …
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America’s favorite soap opera, the NFL, has seen a dip in ratings the past couple of seasons. And frankly, I’m not surprised. Personally, I think the NFL has finally jumped …
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Top 5 things that are painfully parallel 1. Goodell urging white owners to use their authority to stop black players complaining about being mistreated by authorities
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In Trade Talk Thursday, I covered general trade strategies for the week. But with the news coming out that the Ezekiel Elliott six game suspension is being upheld, now is …
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Originally, I was going to recommend sitting Jack Doyle this weekend in a bad fantasy football matchup against the 49ers. Instead, doctors recommend he sit inside a dark room for …
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We are a quarter of the way through the 2017 NFL Season and nothing has gone as expected. Just the way we like it. The only thing predicable about the …
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Week two has come and gone and with it any hope that the powerhouse team you drafted isn’t a steaming pile of poop. So let us sit back and examine …
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We begin with a pair of tweets by known crazy person, Colin Kaepernick’s mom.
Read More There are some people who would have you believe that Dez Bryant is fool’s gold in the form of an NFL receiver. Heck, our own Jeff Krisko just wrote a …
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America’s Team had two rookies blow the doors off fantasy football season, with both Dak Prescott and Ezekiel Elliott finishing as solid starters at their positions. Fast forward a season …
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Few NFL players possess as much natural talent as Dez Bryant, but there have been few players so frustrating to own in fantasy football on a weekly basis over the …
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