News Satire

Despite going 12-for-26 on Thursday Night Football, Jalen Hurts was all smiles in his post-game press conference. “I put a lot of great tape out there,” Hurts commented in response …

Four games into the regular season, it’s clear the new Jacksonville HC has a severe case of what scientists are calling Seanpeytonitis. Namely, Meyer makes decisions not based on what …

Animal rights activists are hootin’ about an alleged safari undertaken by the Carolina Panthers on Thursday Night. The NFC South first-place team cornered a wild Giraffe and threw him to …

Scientists at Football Absurdity Labs released a stunning research paper earlier today. By carefully simulating the NFL season, they were able to conclusively determine that this year’s biggest fantasy football …

Here’s the scuttlebutt: In attempts to get their star players to clear the NFL Covid protocol, some teams have resorted to treachery. That’s the scuttle. The issue deals with where …

An incident has set afire the always chic and modern fashion capital known as Green Bay, Wisconsin. Quarterback Aaron Rodgers finally attended the Packers’ minicamp on Wednesday morning. He was …

May 5, 2021 Statement by Donald J. Trump, 45th President of the United States of America I will not be continuing my career with the Green Bay “Meat” Packers. Many …

All across the United States, citizens took to the streets to celebrate the return of Mock auction drafts. Spontaneous dance parties broke out, and many were moved to tears. “I’m …

After trading up to the third pick in the 2021 NFL draft, the 49ers seemed honed in on taking a quarterback. Then they were linked to Mac Jones. Then everybody …

Seriously, people! My neighbors always know when my newest mock draft is published. They aren’t football fans or anything: They can just tell because a slew of TAXPAYER FUNDED vehicles …

This article brought to you by Laverne’s (TM) Steakhouse: Now serving women! Only at Laverne’s (TM)! The anticipation is palpable as fans everywhere gear up for Thursday’s NFL Draft. Speculation abounds as to where …

This article brought to you by Laverne’s (TM) Steakhouse: The lead chef doesn’t wash his hands, so don’t order the pork. Only at Laverne’s (TM)! The world was floored by an epidemic of such …

It’s almost time for the NFL draft when analysts collectively emerge from their three-month nap. Stay ahead of them with our first 2021 fantasy sleepers list. Dominate the late rounds …

Fresh on the heels of adding a 17th game to the schedule, the NFL has announced more plans to tinker. Roger Goodell says the NFL is exploring the idea of …

The NFL Combine for coaches was held this week, and a lot of NFL teams are rethinking their leadership. The disappointing performance of over 30 head coaches in Combine activities …

The pandemic is not quite over, and the National Football League is doing its part to prevent another outbreak. In recent years, the NFL draft was held in Philadelphia and …

The NFL awarded draft slots for teams that lost free agents in 2020. Four Cowboys compensatory picks were given. “We’ve hit the jackpot!” Exclaimed team owner Jerry Jones, whose Wikipedia …

In quantum physics, there is a theorem called the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle. Basically, the more we analyze a confusing system, the more uncertain that system becomes. This is as applicable …

Mona Charen is policy editor for The Bulwark magazine because that is apparently a real job. She once said, “I think we should probably retire the phrase ‘cancel culture’ at this …

Someone recently looked at the landscape of sports and decided that this time a new football league wouldn’t implode into yet another giant mess. The FCF is a new football …

Normally by this time, the NFL Combine would have wrapped. Tons of numbers would be available reflecting speed tests, strength tests, and drug screenings. Pundits would be debating stats and …