Mock Draft Haters: Stop Calling Ambulances For Me!

Quit telling health officials my ears are “leaking dangerous toxic waste!”

Seriously, people! My neighbors always know when my newest mock draft is published. They aren’t football fans or anything: They can just tell because a slew of TAXPAYER FUNDED vehicles shows up at my curb.

The people doing this are clearly so disturbed as to think that this is cutting edge “humor.” It is not. There is absolutely nothing funny in informing my local fire department that they need to do a wellness check on me because I am “in the process of committing career suicide.” Firefighters are busy serving our community. They should never be redirected to my house because “the takes coming out of there are hotter than the sun and smell like burnt food.”

If you disagree with my mock draft analysis, DO feel free to engage me in a fun, spirited debate in our Discord. DO feel free to Tweet about how ireful my articles make you. DO NOT call a SWAT team to my door because “a rambling madman is threatening to destroy the integrity of football analysis.” That sucked, yo!

Furthermore, my mock drafts are based on hours of research and watching tape. They are not because I’m “obviously smoking crack and huffing paint.” I have the police report to prove it!

There are less than 48 hours until the NFL Draft. I challenge you, loyal readers, to place zero calls to emergency services during that time. Well, I mean, if you need help go ahead and call. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!

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