Fantasy Football Absurdity Check: Why You Should Start Ryan Griffin over Evan Engram

This week my co-worker, Jeff Krisko, suggested that starting Evan Engram is the smart fantasy football play.  I’ve have questions asking what an Absurdity Check is.  An Absurdity Check is when I weigh in on whether Jeff is giving sound fantasy advice or being absurd.  Personally, I would start Ryan Griffin.

I can say unequivocally that Jeff definitely needs an Absurdity Check on this one.  What’s worse, he obviously hasn’t read a single thing I have written or he wouldn’t have made such an outrageous suggestion!  And not only is he not reading my articles, he then has the impudence, the impertinence, the audacity to tell you to not start Ryan Griffin!  Don’t start Ryan Griffin?  That is just crazy talk!  You should absolutely start Ryan Griffin!

Let’s tackle the egregious error Jeff has made in suggesting Evan Engram.  At first, I assumed this was a mistake and he was telling you to start whatever tight end is playing the New York Giants, not the New York Giants tight end.  Because, as you may remember, the New York Giants have a Browns-esque penchant for letting tight ends score on them at will.

But as I read on, he was actually suggesting that you start Evan Engram.  And he makes some interesting points about how Denver gives up fantasy points to tight ends.  Which is absolutely true.  The only real problem with this is the New York Giants are a terrible football team traveling across the country.

Eli Manning will be facing off against Von Miller with no receivers to throw to.  There is a non-zero chance that we are going to see our first Manning die the most noble of deaths on the field of football.  Just as God intended all along.  Even in the unlikely event that Eli is able to get a pass off before Von Miller eats him, you have to know the Broncos will be rolling all their coverage to Engram.  Who else scares them? Roger Lewis?  I didn’t even know who Roger Lewis was until two hours ago!

This is the man drawing coverage away from Evan Engram

Now I might have been able to forgive his suggestion to start Evan Engram.  I get the appeal.  He is a big-bodied athlete with very dreamy eyes.  I think he is going to be a really good football player whenever they remove Von Miller from Eli’s rectum.  But then he doubled down and suggested that you sit Ryan Griffin! That is a declaration of war!

You want me on your roster! You need me on your roster!

I want you to know Ryan Griffin like I know Ryan Griffin.  Look into the above pictures eyes and tell me you don’t want to start Ryan Griffin on your fantasy roster! Of course you do.  You want to win!  That’s why you need to start Ryan Griffin.

This is a tight end you can’t defend!

Now I am sure I could reference all the many times I have pointed out how bad the Cleveland Browns are at defending tight ends.  But you, the savvy reader, already know that they are the absolute worst.  You know that they have given up the most fantasy points to tight ends in standard scoring leagues.

After I win your fantasy match, let’s get married!

So if you are the kind of guy who believes that playing with house money after winning at a casino means lighting it on fire, go ahead and bet against the Cleveland Browns.  If you’ve got Drinkin’ to Do, go ahead and start Evan Engram.  But if you have actually watched the Cleveland Browns play football, you should be feeling my Young Love to start Ryan Griffin.