Friday Football Freakshow: Lighthearted, Funny Comments from the Tragically Insane

Funny comments

This week, Matthew Berry had coworkers ask him questions for his Love/Hate column, a gimmick that is lazy and should never be emulated. He received a batch of not-haha-funny comments, including this one:

Funny comments

This reminds me of the early days of fantasy football reporting. Back at the turn-of-the-century, fantasy football got big enough where networks decided they should cover it, but not big enough for anyone at the networks to know the actual rules. So they decided, “yeah, people want to hear about their stars.” You’d get halftime shows where the announcers would say stuff like “my fantasy pick today is LaDanian Tomlinson,” or, “here’s your fantasy update: Brett Favre threw three touchdowns today.” It was unhelpful and rubbed dirt in the face of the 90% of owners who did not have those guys on their team. If I want to hear about stars on my team, I’ll click that little box next to their names, which I can only seem to find when I am looking at my computer screen through the bottom of a whiskey bottle.

Danny Trevathan had a hard helmet-to-helmet on Davante Adams. An article about the hit spurred copious commentary debate about whether it was intentional, and how it should be punished. We’ve got two funny comments addressing the situation.

Thankfully, “Albert,” is here to blow the whole conspiracy wide open:

funny comments

I’m not sure “showing replays of football during a football game” really counts as “the media shoving it down your throats a dozens times.” Also, it takes an especially stubborn person to watch a replay that changes their initial opinion of the situation, then to decide that this turnaround was due to brainwashing by the media.

In the same article, one commenter (“Dennis”) offers up this relevant piece of advice:

Funny Comments

This is especially puzzling as neither Adams nor Trevathan knelt before the game. It also left me confused as to whether this commenter also boycotts Trader Joe’s grocery store chain, mistakenly thinking Joe has also turned against his country.

Someone who has been betrayed by this country’s education system is poster “Calvin:”

Funny Comments

I am impressed by his ability to use “whom,” albeit incorrectly, despite obviously suffering from severe damage to the language processing centers of his brain. Unless he is telling us to bet the under, in which case his arguments make a surprisingly persuasive amount of sense.

Meanwhile, over on, poster “are you kiddin” decides that the best use of his precious time would be to angrily berate fantasy pundit Jamey Eisenberg:

Funny comments

Yes, recommending a good quarterback who is facing the New Orleans defense is definitely reprehensible and should demand a firing. Also, the Rick Head comment left me confused as to whether their comment was meant to be directed at fellow CBS correspondent Dave Richard.

This week’s Own of the Week comes from an ESPN article about the whole kneeling debacle:

Funny comments

First of all, I’m sorry about that dude’s kid. I have children, and I can’t imagine what a struggle it would be to raise one with severe physical challenges. I can imagine, however, what it would be like to use one’s own child’s debilitating disease to further one’s own agenda, and it disturbs me. I wonder if this guy pulls the CP card out every time he wants to win a political argument, “My child has been in a wheelchair for 23 years, and he would LOVE to be able to stand up and pull the lever to vote for Highway Municipal Bond 78!”

Here’s wishing you a good weekend, and good mental health. Or, at least, the sense to not pour one’s poor mental health all over the funny comments section of football websites. Unless it’s hilarious, in which case pm me.

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