Black Monday 2022: I Got 99 Problems But Nagy Ain’t One

The NFL regular season is over and heads are already rolling. When NFL teams miss the playoffs, NFL teams fire head coaches. For some coaches, 2021 was the start of something special. But not for these guys. Teams are looking for the reason why they were bad and firing coaches is the easy answer. These coaches suffered pitfalls that are hard to solely blame on them, whether it be poorly run organizations or attractive co-eds hanging out at their bar. But why should we trust NFL teams to make the right decision when it comes to firing coaches? These are the same organizations that hired them in the first place! Bad teams with bad front offices and even worse owners. So let’s look at why this Black Monday (or sometime during the 2021 season), teams fired all the wrong people!

Las Vegas Raiders Fire (stands for Forced to retIRE) John Gruden

Jon Gruden, affectionately called “Chucky” due to his resemblance to a psychopathic murderous doll known as Mark Davis, had his NFL career murdered by his own intolerance. In leaked emails from the WFT Dan Snyder investigation, Gruden used racist, misogynistic, and ableist language that should only be used when speaking in private with NFL brass. The fact that he would WRITE DOWN such sexist and racist comments is completely inexcusable. The only thing more damaging than the turf at FedEx field is emailing Dan Snyder.

Jacksonville Jaguars Fire Urban Meyer

Sure, Urban Meyer hired a racist bully onto his staff. Yes, Meyer decided to skip traveling home with his football team to cheat on his wife. True, it was weird that Urban brought in Tim Tebow to try out at tight end. It is also true that he would announce that players were losers over the loudspeaker at training camp. Perhaps threatening to fire his staff for losing preseason games was a bit over the top. I guess you could say that it was a bit troubling how he kept benching James Robinson, even though he was one of the only good players on his team, in favor of a Carlos Hyde that hasn’t been football-relevant in years.  Then there is the fact that Meyer said he wasn’t responsible for the rotation of running backs and that he had to approve such things with his boss, running backs coach Bernie Parmalee. Yes, I know that Meyer told his coaching staff that he had better coaches when he was at Bowling Green. And allegedly, Urban Meyer pulled all his assistant coaches into a meeting where he had them all defend their resumes. (Except for Bernie Parmalee, who he clearly reports to). And maybe he kicked Josh Lambo because we all know kickers aren’t actually people. What were we talking about again?

Minnesota Vikings Fire Mike Zimmer

In eight seasons, Mike Zimmer is 74-59-1. Like Kirk Cousins, I prefer to do my own research. In his four seasons before signing Kirk Cousins, Zimmer had a record of 39-25, with a 60.9% win rate. After bringing in Cousins, Zimmer’s record dropped to 33-31-1, with a 51.6% win rate. The problem is Kirk Cousins. It’s science.

Chicago Bears Fire Matt Nagy

After four years with the Bears, Matt Nagy’s record of 34-31 makes him the third-winningest coach in the modern NFL era. When Nagy said Justin Fields wasn’t ready to start, he was pressured into starting the rookie quarterback by the Bears organization. It turns out, Fields wasn’t quite ready to start, finishing the year with 7 passing touchdowns, 10 interceptions, 12 fumbles, 5 fumbles lost, and 36 sacks. Leave it to the Bears to believe they know about developing a quarterback than the guy who played an integral part in Patrick Mahomes’ development. After all, when you are the Chicago Bears with a long-storied history of developing NFL starting quarterbacks like Cade McNown, Chad Hutchinson, and Moses Moreno, why wouldn’t you trust your own evaluation. It’s probably the coach with a winning record who’s wrong.

Denver Broncos Fire Vic Fangio

Vic Fangio was brought to the Broncos with the expressed understanding that he would build his trademark stalwart defense and John Elway would find him a winning quarterback. Instead, he got Joe Flacco, Teddy Bridgewater, and Drew Lock. But at least they weren’t Brock Osweiler, Trevor Siemian, or Paxton Lynch.

Miami Dolphins Fire Brian Flores

When Brian Flores started with the Dolphins, Chris Grier traded away Laremy Tunsil and Minkah Fitzpatrick to acquire draft capital and rebuild a flailing roster. The plan was to tank so they could build a better team. Brian Flores had other plans, winning five games in his first season. Then when it came to drafting the quarterback of the future, Flores wanted Justin Herbert, while Grier wanted Tua. In the end, the Brian Flores firing came down to a difference of philosophy. Chris Grier wanted Brian Flores to work with the players he gave him. Brian Flores wanted to win.

New York Giants Fire Joe Judge

It is frankly unfair that Joe Judge is getting fired for towing the company line. Former Giants General Manager Dave Gettleman does not tolerate nerds, which is why they hired a man’s man in Joe Judge. Joe Judge refuses to complain about faulty headsets. Because he is a man’s man. Joe Judge has no problem telling the media how it is after having -6 passing yards against the Chicago Bears. Because he’s a man’s man. Joe Judge doesn’t care that scoring plays aren’t challengeable, he’ll challenge it anyway. Because he’s a man’s man. When backed-up inside his own ten-yard line, Joe Judge has no problems running a quarterback sneak with Jake Fromm. Twice. Because he’s a man’s man. Joe Judge gets calls every day from former players, with tears in their eyes, begging to play for coach one more time. Because he’s a man’s man. Joe Judge only makes love to his Canadian girlfriend missionary style. Because he’s a man’s man.

Houston Texans Fire David Culley

It takes a lot for a head coach to be fired after just one season. David Culley took a franchise that started the season as the NFL’s biggest embarrassment, that many thought would be competing for the number one pick in the NFL draft, and quietly made them look competent.  David Culley’s only mistake was not being Josh McDaniels.

Do you want more 2022 NFL discussion? Then check out these links!


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