The NFL draft is coming and Football Absurdity has all your draft coverage right here. (You couldn’t see, but I just pointed at my crotch.) It’s hard to figure out who to trust. Good news for you, Football Absurdity has all the answers you need. That doesn’t mean you can trust us. It just means that we are the only ones who are willing to admit we don’t know what we’re talking about. Nobody really knows with the draft. That’s why we do draft coverage the right way. By completely overreacting to each and every player. So let us tell you why every player is the best and the worst in our 2018 NFL Draft Quarterback edition!
Overview: Sam Darnold has all the traits NFL teams look for. He has size, arm strength and no personality. He played top competition and even though he turned the football over a bunch, he looked like an NFL quarterback doing it.
Ceiling: If Sam Darnold reaches his potential, he could be an Andrew Luck type player. A big bodied player who slings the football all over the field and carries a talentless team on his back. That is, until his future team eventually botches his shoulder surgery and he fades away into obscurity.
Floor: What is actually going to happen is he will be just like every other USC quarterback taken before him. Expect Darnold to follow the same path as noted USC legends Mark Sanchez and Matt Leinart.
Overview: Josh Allen is, without a doubt, one of the most physically gifted quarterbacks ever to enter the NFL draft. NFL teams pleasure themselves at night just thinking about what they could do with him on their roster. The only thing wrong with him is that he doesn’t know how to play quarterback, which could prove problematic if you are drafting him to play quarterback.
Drafting Josh Allen would be like if Elon Musk decided to marry Kate Upton and then put her in charge of Tesla. Sure, he looks good, but he doesn’t know what he is doing.
Ceiling: If he goes to a team with a great offensive staff that knows how to build up a quarterback, he could be a John Elway type quarterback. He has the physical tools to be great if he ever learns how to play the position.
Floor: What is actually going to happen is he is going to develop into Jamarcus Russell. One of the all-time great NFL busts. Because when has a quarterback ever learned how to play the position when they finally got drafted? Never!
Overview: Josh Rosen has spent a lot of the draft process answering questions about his personality. Are you politically active? Are you coachable? Are you a Jew? Despite all these questions, he has shown himself to be a very smart football player. He has had three different offensive coordinators over the past three years, but he still showed a lot of production, despite constantly having to learn new offenses.
Ceiling: He could very well be a Kurt Warner/Trent Green type quarterback if he develops. Someone who can make every throw on the field with precision and punish teams with his ability.
Floor: What is actually going to happen is he will become Joey Harrington. A guy who is smart at everything except football and never quite acclimates to the game until he eventually fizzles out.
Overview: Baker Mayfield is a very controversial prospect. Mayfield was charged with public intoxication in college. He grabbed his crotch at the Jayhawks. He planted his team flag against Ohio State. .He hung up on Bus Cook, Brett Favre’s agent, because he didn’t know his background when trying to represent him. There is no denying that he is a polarizing player. Yet he just had an all-time great college football season, winning the Heisman Trophy and leading Oklahoma to the BCS college playoffs.
Ceiling: Mayfield has the ability to be a dynamic quarterback in the makeup of Drew Brees, navigating the pocket to surgically pick apart teams while making the occasional play with his legs.
Floor: What is actually going to happen is Baker Mayfield will become Geno Smith. A man who was so hated, when Ikemefuna Enemkpali broke his jaw, the rest of his team sided with Enemkpali. The only people who have to work so hard to convince people they are not an asshole are assholes.
Overview: For some reason, people seem to forget that he was one of the most dynamic quarterbacks in college football. He is the youngest player to ever win the Heisman Trophy. He is just as good at throwing the football as he is at running it. The man is a gamer. A winner. A scrappy, high motor player with a high football IQ and good fundamentals. He is a gritty player who plays the game the right way and gets the most out of his abilities.
Ceiling: If Lamar Jackson maximizes his skills in the NFL, he could be an unstoppable dual-threat in the vein of a Steve Young.
Floor: What will actually happen is Lamar Jackson is going to turn into Robert Griffen III. He is going to get some poor team really excited about their future, before dashing their hopes and every ligament and bone in his body.