Three Surprising NFL Week 7 Performances (That Prove I’m Not Always Negative)

AFC North

NFL Week 7 Surprises

A lot of people say I need an attitude change. A lot of people can suck it. Here are my NFL week 7 surprises.“Stop being so negative,” people say, “you’ll live a lot longer if you stop punching that wall so hard,” they plead, “stop paying your league fees entirely in pennies.”

Well, FINE, here are three NFL week 7 feats that I find inspiring:

NFL Week 7
Arizona’s skill positions look great! Pro Bowl caliber, right there

Rams tour England, enjoy local cuisine; Cardinals lose football game 33-0

I was pleasantly surprised with the Arizona Cardinals performance, this week. They managed to fly all the way from Arizona to England, an 11 hour flight, without injuring themselves on the plane. Great job guys, you exceeded my most optimistic expectations!

NFL Week 7
He who throws the ball away
Lives to die another day

Andy Dalton wisely knows when to give up

Down two scores with less than four minutes remaining, I expected Dalton to take the fourth-and-3 snap and curl up in a fetal position while urinating. But, instead, Dalton found a manly resolve deep down inside. Taking the snap, he showed game sense of a seasoned veteran by sprinting to the sidelines and throwing the ball into the stands. Well, done, Andy, you’ve done great for the proud city of Cincinnati, known for dumping chili on top of spaghetti.

 

NFL Week 7
Falcons-Pats was a lot like the Super Bowl. The Super Bowl where the lights went out, that is

Atlanta Falcons avoid late-game collapse in Super Bowl rematch

For months the Falcons have had this date circled on their calendar. A chance to show the world who really should have taken the title last February. As we all know, the Falcons lost that game by failing to score a point in the last 15 minutes. Not this time! A 1-yard touchdown strike from Matt Ryan to Julio Jones with four-and-a-half minutes left on the clock put Atlanta on the board en route to a 23-7 loss. If you combine that fourth quarter with the first three quarters of the Super Bowl, Atlanta’s crummy city wins the championship! Great job, everyone, game balls all around.