2021 Darren Waller Fantasy Football Player Profile

As we gear up to the start of the NFL season, Football Absurdity is going to bring you a comprehensive breakdown of every notable player that will be available in fantasy football drafts. Darren Waller is in the top tier of tight ends, but that positional advantage often comes with a steep draft price. Where exactly does Waller become “worth it?” Also, I am going to end each paragraph with a 1-star Amazon review of a famous food product. See if you can guess the product before I reveal it at the end of this profile. Here’s the first:

Let me start by saying that I’m not someone who has no experience with food. I am a professional chef who has worked in a few restaurants. That being said, this is the most disgusting _____ I’ve ever had in my life. I would rather eat a can of cold Chef Boyardee Spaghettios that fell on the ground after a dog expelled feces over said can. I get that not everyone is a fan of the spices that make _____, “________,” but good Lord, I could smell the allspice after opening the can. 

2021 Darren Waller ADP and AAV:

Average Draft Position: TE3, Pick 29
Average Auction Value: $18.8

 Darren Waller Statistics:

2021 Darren Waller Overview

In 2020, Waller played in all 16 games and had the second-highest average points per game among tight ends, behind Travis Kelce. In addition, his offense has almost all of the same pieces in play, which bodes well for Waller repeating as a top-3 tight end. He is on the Raiders, however, who consistently find ways to let me down and ruin my life. So expect John Gruden to, like, immediately punt it on every first down while glaring directly into the camera and indirectly into my soul.

_____ is the worst concoction of processed diarrhea in a can that has ever been marketed – and at $8.74 a can it is no wonder that the “inventor” Nicholas Lambrinides, a Greek immigrant was laughing all the way to the bank. Look, I am a real meat-eating _____ hound from way back. I heard the bull about _____ being some the best _____ around… so I bought into it in good faith. Wow, was I taken. This _____ is slops. It reminds me of depression-era migrant camp’s fraught attempt at eating “meat” dolled out in 3-ounce portions intended to feed thirteen people. How… water it down 85% with water then dump your spice cabinet into the remaining 15% with cinnamon and cloves into the scrap bin…. called your eating bowl.

Waller hasn’t missed a game in 2 seasons. Also, Derrick Carr targets him more than phone scammers target Baby Boomers. Waller was one of only eight players to top 100 catches last season. He had more catches than even the revered Travis Kelce!

Unfortunately, all three cans exploded in the packaging. I didn’t get to taste any of one of my favorite products.

2021 Darren Waller Fantasy Football Draft Strategy:

Darren Waller Auction Value: $19
Draft Ranking: Find out for your league settings in a Beersheet!

This is a positional advantage that is a steal in the third round and even not a big reach in the second. The difference between Waller’s weekly production versus that of a replacement-level tight end is better than WRs and RBs going at the beginning of the second round. I strongly expect Waller’s stock to rise considerably as we get closer to the regular season.

Boiling the product for about 45 minutes to an hour on low (to avoid scorching) to eliminate all of that excess water improved things. But the amount of _____ sauce left was barely enough for two hot dogs. – And then there was the taste!!!! HORRIBLE! It is so salty, you would think you had just spooned salt into your mouth! Astonishing!! 

Auction drafters seem to have caught on to what makes Waller so special for fantasy. I regularly see humans bid $30 and up for him. I wouldn’t go past mid-$20s: At that point you’re no longer getting a deal and can probably use that $ to win bidding wars for top-end players.

After hearing this _____ raved about for years on baseball telecasts, I finally tried it. Well, Cincinnati can keep it. Cloves in a _____?? Taste left much to be desired. This stuff looked and felt like it just came out of someone’s blender. Never had any _____ like this and won’t in the future. Yuk.

Best Case Scenario:

You get Waller for a reasonable price and don’t have to anxiously work the tight-end waiver wire all year. You guessed correctly that the product reviews are all for Skyline Chili.

Worst Case Scenario:

Eh, I can’t see anyone being too disappointed unless they pay mid-$30s for Waller or take him in the first round. You were eating Skyline Chili while reading this and the reviews affected its taste dramatically.

Check out all our 2021 player profiles as we publish them, here. 

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[Statistics are sourced from pro-football-reference.com, airyards.com, and ftnfantasy.com]

[Image Source: https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/a/aa/Darren_Waller_2019.JPG  under SA cc-2.0]