“Because it was working.” Those words rang out to the tens of thousands of San Francisco 49ers faithful who stayed to watch Kyle Shanahan lift the George Halas Trophy, the trophy of the NFC Champions. Now, the 49ers move on to Miami, and they will play in the Super Bowl despite beating nobody and being just okay. Sure, what they did worked, but it worked on fraud squads, of which the San Francisco 49ers are one. By the end, my confident bravado, circular logic, and no actual, tangible facts should convince you that I am correct.
Let’s start off by facing some harsh realities for the San Francisco 49ers. Every team they’ve beaten in the playoffs is eliminated. They’re gone, sitting at home. The Minnesota Vikings don’t even have an offensive coordinator, and the Packers played like they had no offensive coordinator for six of the eight quarters the two teams played this year. If the 49ers beat anybody good, especially in the playoffs, wouldn’t these teams still contend for the 2020 Super Bowl? In fact, no team the 49ers (15-3) beat this season remains in the playoffs, and neither of the teams they beat in the last two weeks remain. Sorry to give you that harsh pill to swallow San Francisco 49ers fans, but they didn’t beat anybody. If those teams were so good, then they would have defeated the 49ers.
Oh, they beat the #2 seed Packers twice this season and took out the #3 seed New Orleans Saints on the road. Wow, okay. Sure. I mean, let’s start with a basic fact. The 49ers aren’t even that good. Okay, don’t look into it, just take my confident braying about it as fact. They’re not that good. By going, now, from that premise, let’s check out the 49ers’ record against playoff teams. 5-2, with road wins in Seattle (11-5) and New Orleans (13-3). Wow. What a couple of fraud squads we have there. Those wins mean absolutely nothing.
Folks, I hope you remember high school geometry because it’s time for some transitive properties.
Oh, they lost to the Ravens. If the Ravens were so good, would the Titans have taken them down? No. Noted fraud team the 14-2 Baltimore Ravens fell by the Titans’ hand, meaning that the 49ers lost to the Titans, who went 9-7. Really, doesn’t that mean the Niners aren’t good?
The Minnesota Vikings took down the New Orleans Saints in the NFC Wild Card Round. The Vikings entered the playoffs as the six seed, meaning that their defeat of the Saints exposed the Saints as frauds. The 49ers’ defeating the Saints, then, means nothing. New Orleans’ fraudulent nature means the 49ers going into their house and taking them down means absolutely nothing. As for the 49ers defeating the Vikings, I mean, beating a six seed means nothing.
Now, let’s look at them taking down the Packers. The Packers went 13-3, “earned” the #2 seed, and made it to the NFC Championship Game. But look how the 49ers absolutely dismantled them this season. If the Packers were actually good, then why did the 49ers put in their backups in the fourth quarter on Sunday Night Football? Why did they spend most of the second half of the NFC Championship Game in vanilla defense, running out the clock? I ask you, why did the Packers fail to score in the first half of the NFC Championship Game? The Packers, of course, are frauds. They aren’t even that good. So the 49ers taking them down twice, on prime time, means absolutely nothing.
Yes, Raheem Mostert ran for 200+ yards, yes Raheem Mostert scored four touchdowns. And yes, the 49ers scored 37 points on just eight pass attempts. I understand all this. Would the 49ers pull that off against a team that was any good? I don’t think so. Therefore, the win is meaningless, and the 49ers are just okay.
What, then, of the Seahawks? The Seahawks defeated the 49ers. In overtime. Because the Colts’ kicker missed a field goal. Nevermind that the 49ers went back into their house and won to secure the #1 seed. The Seahawks barely beat the Niners the first time around, which means that the Seahawks aren’t even that good. After all, they lost to the Packers. So, the 49ers defeating the Seahawks means absolutely nothing. See how it all works?
Sure, the San Francisco 49ers are NFC Champions, but really, when you break it down, who have they beaten?
If you want more fascinating facts about the AFC and NFC Championships, check out Evan Hoovler’s breakdown.
(Photo Credit: Jeff Krisko)