Patriots Release Antonio Brown: 5 Places He Could End up

Multiple sources have confirmed that the Patriots have released Antonio Brown. This story has taken a dark turn lately, so we wanted to lighten it up by brainstorming the 5 teams Antonio Brown could sign with that would cause maximum chaos:

5. Antonio Brown Signs with Miami Dolphins

Now, he’s not going here, obviously, because Miami is doing everything they can to tank in the short term. But just imagine how ridiculous it would be if Antonio Brown had to sign with the Dolphins? He would be actively working to get himself cut even harder than he did with the Raiders. He’d never see good targets as Josh Rosen will only have 2 nanoseconds to throw the ball before a Great Wall of defenders crush his dreams and ribcage.

Dolphins fans would boo Antonio Brown, as he stands in the way of them getting the #1 draft pick, allowing them to select once-in-a-generational talent: [player to be named later]. We’d watch that.


4. Antonio Brown Signs with the XFL

Vince McMahon, make this happen! The storyline writes itself, “Bad Boy Antonio Brown is too hot for the NFL to handle, so now he’s joining the football version of men in tights pretending to punch each other!”

Now, as for what XFL team Antonio Brown will join, we say “why limit yourself?” There are 8 XFL teams and a ten-week season. That’s enough for him to play on and get kicked off of every single team in the entire league! Some even twice!


3. Antonio Brown Signs with the Oakland Raiders

It could happen: Oakland decides to bring him back for a pittance, and Brown ends up losing money on the season because GM Mike Mayock fines him every week.

Meanwhile, Jon Gruden decides he wants to pull a power move by having the player that got cut in the locker room, letting every other player know they’re not safe. Eh, actually, every other Raiders player already kinda knew that.


2. Antonio Brown Signs with Hollywood Game Night

This classic and well-known TV show, which we literally just found when we googled “celebrity game shows” has apparently been going on for 6 seasons. Let’s bring a dash of crazy into the mix by signing AB84. He and Lori Loughlin could play a delightful round of “who can get accepted to the Central Michigan Chippewas based on academic merit?”

Is Dancing with the Stars still a thing? Let’s get him on there and watch him scream at the panel of aging “cracker” judges.


1. Antonio Brown signs with Monday Night Football’s Broadcast Team

Let’s spice up the booth by getting Antonio Brown mic’ed up. We’d love for Booger McFarland to throw it to AB’s for insight into a play, only to receive a classic Antonio Brown quote like, “you’ve got to motivate the fans and the people to get your teeth cleaned. It’s called daily hygiene. Back to you, Booger!”


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