Week Two NFL Injury Report
by a blindly optimistic Raiders fan
What’s up NF-aiLures! Your representative from THE hottest team here to hold your hands as your not-exciting coaches continue to
keep their heads down. Since your real NFL team can’t win the championship this year (or the next ten years), let’s focus on your
fantasy teams. Let’s look at the Week Two injury report to see how sorry I feel for all of you:
Aaron Rodgers, Ben Roethlisberger, and Marcus Mariota:
Each of these players took hard shots and are on the week two NFL injury report because they don’t have the fortitude of the GOAT
Derek Carr. Check out these stats: One Broken back, one start missed. Imagine what he’s going to do without three broken
vertebrae? That’s right, run the table.
In the meantime, if you weren’t lucky enough to draft Carr in all your fatnasy leagues, like I was, you’ll have to turn to weaker
options like Aaron Rodgers. Rodgers sprained his knee, but is expected to start on Sunday.
Roethlisberger and Mariota have both returned to practice, so you can definitely count on them, too. Not as much as you can count
on future pro bowl punter Johnny Townsend. The fifth-round steal shows how well Gruden can seek out talent with pinpoint accuracy
and snatch a diamonod from the rough. Johnny Townsend. Punter. You heard it from Raider Nation First.
Anyway, yeah, start Rodgers and Ben and Mariota with confidence.
Is Devonta Freeman Injured?
Reports are overwhelmingly stating that Devonta Freeman will miss week two with a knee injury. Lots of people will mistakenly roll
Tevin Coleman out, when there’s a much better option. Kevin Smith, running back for the greatest team ever, is available in 100%
of fantasy leagues. There are only three backs ahead of him on the roster. A savvy coach like John Gruden knows to rotate his
backs regularly, and there should be at least 400 rushing yards to go around. Start Kevin Smith with confidence and enjoy the
touchdowns as the Raiders beat the Broncos 77-3.
Is Leonard Fournette Injured?
Not everyteam can roster the greatest RB of all time, the indestructible Marshawn Lynch. Some of you have to settle for Leonard
Fournette, or as I like to call him, “the poor man’s Kevin Smith.” Fournette is questionable on the week two NFL injury report
with a… guess what? Foot injury.
I had him last year, and even though he led me deep into the playoffs, I hated having him because of the injury concerns. I had to
wake up Sunday mornings and look at dang X-Rays trying to find out if his foot was good enough to start. That’s why having a
Gruden in charge is so critical: He’ll just put down any wounded horses rather than drag it out, even if those horses are
defensive player of the year and aren’t actually wounded. Chucky’s that good.
You’ll have to wait until game time to find out if Fournette is starting. If you can add Yeldon, do so and relax. If not, you’ll
have to sub in someone else. Good luck, maybe next year you’ll get wise and have a team that’s entirely silver-and-black.
Will Fuller V
Fuller is likely to suit up this week, but he’ll probably be limited. I’d rest him. I suggest you take on one of the more electric
receivers of our generation. That’s right, I’m talking about Martavis Bryant. Sure he looked confused, and was probably going to
fail a drug test. But In-Jon-We-Trust Gruden fixed that by cutting him and rehiring him. That’s what it does.
So there you have it, the week two NFL injury report. Keep watching the skies for text messages about players’ injuries, because
they come from satellites. Go Raiders!
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