Thursday, April 26th is a big day for nerds. If you are a football nerd, you have the 2018 NFL draft. If you are a comic book nerd, you have the long-awaited release of Marvel Studio’s Avengers Infinity War. If you are like me and a complete nerd, you are planning your day around both. And what better way to do that than with the 2018 NFL Marvel Mock Draft!
You might be asking why do we need this type of blatant cross-promotion. Why do studios feel the need to constantly shove their products down our throats. Personally, I feel the good people at Disney will appreciate what we are doing here. Which is try to show everyone just how excited we are about two of our favorite topics. The 2018 NFL Draft and the wonderful films that Marvel Studios makes. And what better way to show that excitement than by combining them into an experience everyone can enjoy, no matter how big a stretch it is! Why, I haven’t been this excited since I found out that they were making a Han Solo movie.
I know the cynical among you might see this as a shameless plug. Some sort of money grab to promote ourselves. I can assure you that we can still maintain our integrity while taking whatever money Disney sees fit to give us. So without further ado, I give you the 2018 NFL Marvel Mock Draft.
1) Cleveland Browns — Scarlet Witch
Scarlet Witch is a perfect fit for the Cleveland Browns. She has the ability to alter reality, which the Browns will need if they want to start winning.
2) New York Giants — Incredible Hulk
The Hulk would be perfect in a Giant’s uniform. He acts big and tough, but we all know he’s just a nerd trying to overcompensate
3) New York Jets — Winter Soldier
Bucky Barnes was born to be part of the Jets. Like the Jets relationship with the Giants, he is used to playing second fiddle to a more popular guy.
4) Cleveland Browns — Iron Patriot
James Rhodes and the Cleveland Browns have one thing in common — they are both broken.
5) Denver Broncos — Spiderman
Has anyone else noticed that the Denver Broncos are going through quarterbacks as quickly as Marvel is going through Spiderman’s?
6) Indianapolis Colts — Doctor Strange
Both Stephen Strange and Andrew Luck suffered crippling injuries. The only difference is no magic in the world will save Andrew Luck.
7) Tampa Bay Buccaneers — Star-Lord
The Bucs go with Peter Quill. A space pirate who thinks he is way cooler than he is.
8) Chicago Bears — Cable
Like the Chicago Bears, Cable was way cooler in the 80’s.
9) San Francisco 49ers — Loki
Loki should feel right at home in San Francisco, because he looks like a guy who spends a lot of time talking about how Vegan he is.
10) Oakland Raiders — Ant-Man
Scott Lang is just an ex-con trying to do right by his family, so he is already half a Raider.
11) Miami Dolphins — Deadpool
Deadpool, like the Miami Dolphins, is a guy who thinks he’s really clever, but just ends up getting hurt a lot.
12) Buffalo Bills — Ultron
Ultron wants to turn the Earth into a wasteland devoid of humanity, so he should be right at home in Buffalo.
13) Washington Redskins — The Mandarin
A lot of teams would shy away from the Mandarin for being a very racist stereotype, but not the Redskins.
14) Green Bay Packers — Captain America
Packer fans like to act like they are the everyman, but we all know your players are juicing just like everyone else.
15) Arizona Cardinals – The Ancient One
Have you been to Arizona? The “Ancient One” should feel right at home.
16) Baltimore Ravens — Nick Fury
For all his talk of running a tight ship, his organization is filled with criminals.
17) Los Angeles Chargers — Hawkeye
Like with the Chargers, sometimes you forget Hawkeye is there. Especially if you are a fan.
18) Seattle Seahawks — Quicksilver
Quicksilver to the Seahawks just makes too much sense. Like Seattle’s offensive line, Quicksilver has a lot of holes in him.
19) Dallas Cowboys — Iron Man
Because when I think of the Cowboys, I think of a narcissistic billionaire who thinks everyone loves him, yet is hated by everyone.
20) Detroit Lions — Thanos
Thanos wants everything in the universe to die. I assume that is because he is a fan of the Lions.
21) Cincinnati Bengals — Ronin the Accuser
Ronin the Accuser has committed some pretty horrific crimes. He even tried to wipe out an entire species. But have you seen his combine numbers?
22) Buffalo Bills — Ben Parker
Because like the Buffalo Bills, ten minutes in you realize he isn’t going to make it.
23) New England Patriots — Black Widow
This is how the game is played. Putin steals Robert Kraft’s Super Bowl ring. Kraft steals Putin’s best assassin.
24) Carolina Panthers — The Collector
Honestly, I just want to see Cam Newton and The Collector play dress-up together.
25) Tennessee Titans — The Invisible Woman
Susan Storm has the ability to makeherself disappear, just like the Titans.
26) Atlanta Falcons — The Human Torch
Like the Atlanta Falcons, an important part of Johnny Storm’s history is him being on fire.
27) New Orleans Saints — Wasp
Who better for the Wasp to pair with than Drew Bees! (I’m so sorry)
28) Pittsburgh Steelers — The Thing
Who better to replace Big Ben with than Big Ben Grimm. They are very similar players. They are both strong, hard to take down and dumb as rocks.
29) Jacksonville Jaguars — Thunderbolt Ross
Shahid Khan just can’t resist drafting him. Look at that mustache.
30) Minnesota Vikings — Thor
Look, I’ve been working on this for a very long time. Just give me this.
31) New England Patriots — Dr. Victor Von Doom
A ruthless dictator who uses black magic and technology to mercilessly crush all opposition. In other words, the Patriots Way.
32) Philadelphia Eagles — Mister Fantastic
The Eagles are known for employing analytics to help them succeed, making Reed Richards a perfect fit. He’s the smartest man in the world, but saying people like him is a stretch.
UNDRAFTED — BLACK PANTHER
One of the premier athletes in the draft goes surprisingly undrafted. With the production he’s shown, you’d think someone would have taken a chance on him. But some teams were worried about his politics….
