I thought this week’s NFL Hot Takes from Crazy People would be lacking. After all, most of these crazy people can just make comments over an increasingly agitated Thanksgiving dinner table. But, I was wrong: People are apparently always ready to say ridiculous stuff that may or may not be related to whatever they are commenting on. Like Michael, here:
What makes this comment particularly Hot and Crazy is that it was posted for an article about Jerry Jones’ opinion on Dez Bryant.
However, my favorite kind of “too much unrelated information” is when a poster unwittingly reveals their own personal issues. In the case of this comment on a particularly good long-form post about Earl Thomas’ hometown and it’s racial struggles, those issues seem to stem from Junior High School:
In case you’re wondering if the article even mentioned lunch money or trashed instruments, the answer is, “you know the answer, deep down inside.” If your question is, “was this posted by a ten-year-old who just had a run-in with a bully of a different race? Or was it posted by a middle-aged man who can’t get over his childhood issues without clamoring for a race war?” my answer is “I don’t know. But, really, I do know, deep down inside.”
Also from this article was this baffling, racially-charged post:
This is really a buffet of points upon which you can dunk all over. I’ve chosen to dunk on, “the unbelievably palpable irony of calling black people `idiots’ for suspecting animosity against them.” WHAT WILL YOU CHOOSE TO DUNK UPON?
Whatever you choose, hopefully it will be from the comment, and not some random voice that lives only in your head, and argues with you constantly. Enter this guy:
So, this comment was from an article about the Jerry Jones-Roger Goodell face-off. Nowhere in the comments section is someone named Jon Vander Pol mentioned. Nowhere in the article is he mentioned either, nor is Michigan football mentioned. The author was not Jon Vander Pol. I usually black out the last names of people in this article, but I think Jon Vander Pol is safe since he seems to exist entirely in commenter Budkis’ mind. Also, it’s “commensurate,” which means equal in stature. Not, “commiserate,” which means to empathize with another’s suffering.
Speaking of empathy, NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR FANTASY TEAM! Every single fantasy story is, “I thought I was going to win/lose but then something weird happened and I won/lost.” As such, no one is interested in these retreaded anecdotes. Unless you actually knelt at the one-yard line instead of scoring, and that cost you a fantasy win, nobody cares:
I tried to contact the Vatican over this potential miracle, as they keep detailed records of this stuff, stretching back multiple centuries. Still, those archives aren’t as extensive as those apparently kept by this commenter from a Pro Bowl voting article, who is also the subject of our Own of the Week:
The issue is I can’t tell whom Georges is owning harder: Tommie, for having bad opinions and just generally liking the Patriots, or Georges, himself, for showing that he keeps obsessive records of throwaway posts on NFL football articles.
In the end, the person probably getting owned the most is me, for having to sort through this stuff for hours while writing this article.
For more Hot Takes from Crazy People, check out these links:
NFL Hot Takes from Crazy People: Jameis Winston’s Reach-Around
Hot Takes from Crazy People: Josh Gordon’s Agent Values Him as a Person
