You Be the Commish: How Do You Deal with a Draft Troll?

Gavel 2

The SomethingAwful.com forums are a Virtual Vesuvio for up-and-coming artists such as Jeff Krisko and Waleed Ismail. Recently, a 10-man fantasy football league was formed in one of the snarkier parts of the boards. Round one started… and a kicker was picked 7th overall. The team that picked the kicker was angry that the draft had to be held when they were indisposed. After the draft, first-picker-kicker team dropped their entire squad.

As commissioner, what would you do to ensure the best experience for the 9 other people in the league? Give your response in the comments section, and also check to see what our experts (and me) would have done.

In this instance, the commissioner decided to replace the team and redo the entire draft. This proved to be a poor decision, as only about half the league could attend and, this punch line is choice, the replacement team also picked a kicker in the first round. So, obviously, that’s not the best answer, unless the question is, “how can a commissioner make me laugh hard and choose their plight for YBTC?”

 

2 Comments on “You Be the Commish: How Do You Deal with a Draft Troll?”

  1. Can’t redo the draft. That’s like demolishing a new building because somebody spray-painted a giant dong on the side.

    First thing is to put all the players back on troll’s team. No, wait, first thing is to kick out the troll, then replace the players. See if you can find a replacement owner, someone who likes a challenge. If not, then commisioner should just do the team’s starts every week based solely on who is projected to score the most

  2. First, obviously boot the troll and restore the roster. There are two options from there:

    (1) Find an owner to replace the booted troll and grant the team #1 waiver priority or in the case of a FAAB budget, give them 10% more than the rest of the league. They’re starting from a position of disadvantage, so this will help even the score. If you want to make it extra spicy, each team can protect every player on their roster but one, and the new owner gets to select a player from that lot when the season starts (to be traded for the kicker)

    (2) If you can’t find an owner to replace the squad, the commissioner goes straight from the stock projections to make free agent pickups weekly and to set the lineups weekly. This ensures that the people that play the turd twice don’t get free bye weeks. Obviously, this dummy team would be ineligible for trades and would do free agent pickups (or zero dollar bids) only after waivers have processed as to not become the commissioner’s second team. The idea is to make it competitive weekly but preventing it from winning the league outright.