(This fantasy football injury report is guest-authored by A Guy Who Can Only Speak in Video Game Metaphors)
Week 14 had frags galore, as a number of fantasy football studs got yeeted. Patrick Mahomes, Josh Jacobs, Derrick Henry and more had fantasy pwners slamming their keyboards into their screens. So mute your headsets and listen as I IGL you to a high score as I breakdown this week’s fantasy football injury report:
Patrick Mahomes Injury
Earlier in the week, Mahomes’ hand swelled up like the posterior of a female character in a third-person shooter. Fortunately, Doctor Eggman said the swelling was down enough for Mahomes to practice in full. Doctor Eggman is Andy Reid, by the way. While Mahomes might not be at full health Sunday against Denver, he’s still going to be the QB you want to main.
Jameis Winston Injury
The Jameis Winston thumb injury doesn’t mean game over, as he is expected to play on Sunday. The quarterback will be without his starter Pokemon Mike Evans, which leaves many fantasy pwners button mashing the free agency wire. However, he gets an aggro buff in the form of the nubcake Lions defense, so go ahead and stick a quarter right up into his slot.
Derrick Henry Injury
Henry has been AFK from practice all week. However, Titans guild leader Mike Vrabel said Henry is getting the start against a noob Houston Texans squad. So you can select him from the character screen with confidence: Henry is going to throw hadoukens straight through the hitbox of the Houston line.
Josh Jacobs Injury
Josh Jacobs’ shoulder injury had fantasy pwners making that noise Pac Mans make when he runs into a ghost. Coach John Gruden won’t say whether Jacobs will be gobbling up power pellets Sunday, and the later queue time for the game means that most pwners can’t idle until the inactive list comes out. Watch to see if he gets downgraded to out on Saturday, but if not, start him and watch the Jaguars players turn blue and never start flashing.
DeVante Parker Injury
DeVante Parker’s head injury has made pwners scared of getting wiped in the fantasy football boss levels. He did 100% a practice on Friday, so you can select him as your fighter, but be sure to reads the specs on the injury report Sunday morning.
Julian Edelman Injury
The New England Patriots are football’s evil super-bosses. They put players on the questionable list when they fully plan to start them. Watch the injury report but expect him to put on his away skin and double jump over Cincinnati’s weak defense.
Julio Jones Injury
Julio Jones’ shoulder injury has made pwners reluctant to add him to their party. However, Jones frequently handles practice like a casual, but starts the game. So you can feel confident in grabbing Jones’ joystick and hammering his A-Button until you unlock Hard Mode.
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