Week 2 NFL Betting Advice
So…mistakes were made. Specifically one mistake.
Sometimes with gambling, the eye test is true. No matter what people who are there to talk up specific teams might say to fill space, there are certain truths. Anyone who has watched football for a certain period of time, and especially an obsessive such as myself, you should trust your first instinct over what other people make you believe. I lost money last week because I went against one very important fact that, deep down in my heart, I knew.
That the Buffalo Bills are a Hindenburg of a football team and Nathan Peterman is the worst quarterback ever to step on the field. As a Bears fan, I experienced the Henry Burris era. I experienced the Moses Moreno era. And Nathan Peterman made both of them look like the second coming of Dan Marino. But, I was fooled by people like Mike Lombardi dropping completely inane facts on podcasts about Peterman not being judged based on his one game as a rookie and that he was completing 80 percent of his passes in the preseason. Yea, fuck that collective noise. Nathan Peterman was the EXACT quarterback I thought he was. I look forward to Peterman becoming a historical footnote as the worst thing to happen to the forward pass. He cost me money on a bunch of different betting lines.
I thought the bet was sound. The Ravens aren’t a team with anything resembling a competent offense, and are led by formerly elite, but now mostly quarterbacking porta-john Joe Flacco. They have nothing resembling a running game, and their best wide receiver was a hipster Raiders defector. Michael Crabtree was booted off that sinking ship before it was cool. Michael Crabtree is the Death Cab for Cutie of overrated wide receivers.
There was no possible way that the Ravens were going to put up enough points to make the game out of range. And the spread was 7.5 points. The Bills didn’t even have to play particularly well to stay in the game. Hell. A two touchdown deficit is only a garbage time touchdown away from a backdoor cover. All that means that the Bills could be trailing the trash ass Ravens 21-7 late in the 4th quarter before Lesean Mccoy gets a garbage time touchdown. Boom. Spread covered.
Then the football game happened. The Bills looked every bit like a team that has zero intention of winning more than 2 games this season. That was a catastrophe of a roster. No team should be wistfully dreaming of having Richie Incognito back on their team, but holy hell. Quick, name a Bills Wide Receiver. Did you say anything? Did you say Zay Jones? Did you panic and say Andre Reed? At this point, LeSean Mccoy is probably dreaming of a suspension that he can use as a vacation away from this high school ska band of a football team.
There were other bad calls. But those bad calls had some sense behind them. But this was on me. This was bad. Fuck the Bills. Forever and always.
Week 2 NFL Betting Advice
Redskins to win division
5.75 to one odds.
Alex Smith might not be an epic quarterback or even an enjoyable one. But he is an efficient one. That might be enough in the NFC East. The Cowboys are going to suck, which is terrible for the gun-toting, right-wing dongs that occupy most of the Jerry Jones Appreciation Society, but great for all of us who hate these deep-fried racists who still consider truck nuts to be hilarious and edgy truck accessorizin’. The Giants are still being quarterbacked by football Forrest Gump and their offensive line has more exposed holes than a Backstage Casting Couch. The Eagles can’t be psyched that they only won by 6 points over a Falcons team that is more allergic to the endzone than a 9 year old hypocondriac at a peanut festival.
What i’m trying to say is, the division is there for the taking. The Eagles are probably a playoff team, but the possibility of a stumble, leading an upstart team to sneak into 1st place in the East with 11 wins. I’ll go with the horribly run Redskins. And I hate myself for it.
Three Team Parlay Week 2 NFL Betting Advice
Chargers -7.5, Chiefs +4.5, Patriots -1
Won’t get fooled again betting the Bills. The Chargers are giving the same amount of points this week as the Ravens were giving the Bills last week. I’m gonna jump on it this week. The Chiefs, for some ungodly reason, are getting 4.5 points against a Steelers team that **checks history books** tied the Cleveland fucking Browns last week. This line is a little bit baffling to me. And as for the Patriots. Yea, they are playing the Jaguars. But come on. They made Deshaun Watson look human last week, and Blake Bortles ain’t no Deshaun Watson. This really feels like a game where, even though Jalen Ramsey didn’t mock Tom Brady during the preseason, Brady will treat the fact that he didn’t as a slight, and put up 500 yards throwing to human deep fried twinkie Rob Gronkowski and whatever 7th string wide receiver Bill Belichick will use up and cut in 3 weeks.
6.5 to 1 odds
Three Team Parlay Week 2 NFL Betting Advice
Texans -2, Chiefs +4.5, Eagles -3
I’m parlaying the Chiefs in damn near everything. As for the Texans, they are playing the Titans. I was confident the Bills were gonna suck. I was also really damn confident that the Titans were terrible. I was correct about that, also. The Titans were set up to run roughshod over the AFC South if they could be even baseline competent on offense. Spoiler alert: They aren’t.
I’m not totally sure the Eagles are that great, but i’m very very confident that the Bucs aren’t about to pull that offense out of their ass again this week.
6.5 to 1 odds
Five Team Parlay Week 2 NFL Betting Advice
Chargers -7.5, Chiefs +4.5, Texans -2, Eagles -3, Giants +3
Because you just know Eli Manning is gonna fuck something up this week.
27 to 1 odds
The Fuck It, 9 team Parlay Week 2 NFL Betting Advice
Colts + 6, Falcons -6, Chargers -7.5, Texans -2, Chiefs +4.5, Jets -2.5, Eagles -3, Giants +3, Bears -3.5.
317 to 1 odds
The “I hate money, and this is a good way to lose it” 12 team parlay Week 2 NFL Betting Advice
Colts + 6, Falcons -6, Chargers -7.5, Texans -2, Chiefs +4.5, Jets -2.5, Eagles -3, Giants +3, Bears -3.5, Broncos -6.5, Lions +6, Saints -9.
1800 to 1 odds
Happy betting guys. And of course, you can catch up with me and bitch me out over my awful picks on Twitter @theBman. You can also check me out every week on Geeks + Gamers Itunes and Podbean radio network every week on Pro Wrestling Nation.
