NFL Power Rankings, Week Eight – Fly, Eagles, Fly

Carson Wentz proved last night on Monday Night Football that he and the Eagles are for realsies, no takebacks, no do-overs. Wentz is set up to be great for a long time. They get to the top of the power rankings with that effort. Sorry for no spoilers, but it’s about an inch away from these letters. It’s a good thing that this idiot thought that trading for the #2 pick was insane.

Rank Last Team Thoughts
1 2 Philadelphia Eagles Carson Wentz is a magician, there’s no other way to explain him not getting sacked on the play we all saw on MNF.
2 3 New England Patriots The Mist (2007, 2017), The Missed Defense (Weeks 1 – 6)
3 1 Kansas City Chiefs Chinks are forming in the armor, but it’s hard to fault them for that absolutely insane finish. Still, the Eagles have flown, Eagles, flown.
4 11 Los Angeles Rams Only hard parts of the next month is playing the Texans and sharing a city with the Chargers.
5 8 Seattle Seahawks Russell Wilson is doing what he can with this offensive line and no running game. The defense looked alright, but losing Cliff Avril will hurt them in the long run.
6 5 Detroit Lions Left a good job in the city, workin’ for the man ev’ry night and day. And I never lost one minute of sleepin’, worryin’ ’bout the way things might have been, (BYE)
7 12 Dallas Cowboys Beat the Niners but everybody beats the Niners, NBD.
8 10 Pittsburgh Steelers Martavis Bryant wants out because he’s a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt and his butt smells and…he likes to kiss his own butt
9 9 Buffalo Bills Won a shootout but they aren’t built for that. The versatility is great and they don’t inexplicably hate Tyrod for no reason right now.
10 4 Atlanta Falcons Good news Atlanta they’ll stop making 28-3 jokes now. Actually, nah, they never will.
11 6 Carolina Panthers You lost to a team that threw the ball seven times. You Lost To A Team That Threw The Ball Seven Times. YOU LOST TO A TEAM THAT THREW THE BALL SEVEN TIMES.
12 14 Houston Texans Big wheel keep on turnin’. Proud Mary keep on burnin’. Rollin’, rollin’, rollin’ on the river. (BYE)
13 13 Washington Redskins Went toe-to-toe with the best team in the league. PAY KIRK.
14 19 Jacksonville Jaguars Jags won two in a row! Jags won two in a row! Run game kept humming. Bort Bortles won’t drag this franchise down, apparently.
15 7 Denver Broncos Trevor Siemian was a hero a month ago. Now he’s common gutter street trash. The Broncos saw the brunt of what happens when the Chargers don’t Charger all over themselves.
16 25 Tampa Bay Buccaneers I thought Jameis would be more limited than he was with his AC strain. Back to the middle of the pack for you.
17 21 Minnesota Vikings All we learned Sunday is about Kai Forbath.
18 23 Oakland Raiders Gutsy win to pull it out without Marshawn because he did Extremely Marshawn Things.
19 15 Cincinnati Bengals Trounced by Pittsburgh last week. Not investing in your O-Line and not getting the ball to your best playmakers, and you lose? Shocking.
20 17 New Orleans Saints No credits for smacking down… *checks stat sheet* B. Hundley?
21 18 Tennessee Titans The offense is a dad gum mess and their heir apparent RB took 13 carries to get 13 yards. They went to OT, against the BROWNS!
22 24 Los Angeles Chargers So this is what happens when you don’t fart the game away or miss last-second field goals to win or abandon a city for a soccer stadium where nobody likes you. Eh, strike that last one.
23 20 New York Jets Jets gonna Jet but they’re far more competitive than you would think.
24 26 Chicago Bears I don’t even know what to do with this team. Their offense is barely functional but they are 3-4.
25 16 Green Bay Packers I thought Hundley was going to be terrible and I over-estimated his skill level.
26 22 Arizona Cardinals Losing Carson Palmer means the end of an era. Palmer, Fitz, DJ will likely never play together again.
27 27 Miami Dolphins In the best coincidence, after Jay Cutler breaks his ribs, he ends up on IR, but nobody tells him, but he never shows up again anyway.
28 28 New York Giants Evan Engram is going to be a matchup nightmare for a decade.
29 29 Baltimore Ravens Joe Flacco is making $24.5 million this year. Case Keenum is making $2 million. Case Keenum threw for more yards than Flacco. Disgusting.
30 30 Indianapolis Colts Just call it a mulligan on 2017 and let everyone go home. Spend all your picks on an o-line and let Luck heal up.
31 31 San Francisco 49ers The Niners could use a run stuffer in the middle. Maybe the Raiders will trade them NaVorro Bowman?
32 32 Cleveland Browns Barely an NFL team.

 

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