NFL Power Rankings, Week Three – Alex Smith is #1 Edition

Other people think that their arbitrary 1-32 power rankings of the NFL are definitive. They’re wrong, my arbitrary power rankings are definitive.

Rank Team Thoughts
1 Kansas City Chiefs If you beat the defending champs in week one and have no letdown in week two, even if your QB is Alex Smith, there’s nowhere to go but down.
2 Oakland Raiders Rumor has it if you go to Oakland Coliseum right now and listen closely you can hear Michael Crabtree scoring another touchdown on the Jets while Marshawn dances.
3 New England Patriots Tom Brady is still Tom Brady, but there’s residual damage done to their ranking from week one. There’s also residual damage from all their damaged skill position players.
4 Atlanta Falcons 28-3 joke goes here.  The Vic Beasley injury is going to hurt but the offense under Sarkeesian doesn’t hurt at all.
5 Pittsburgh Steelers Even with Le’Veon Bell not going full speed the offense is humming. T.J. Watt is doing his best to be the best Watt in the NFL, despite an injury.
6 Green Bay Packers Two broken tackles and a Jordy Nelson injury did them in week two, but I’m not stupid enough to vote against Aaron Rodgers.
7 Denver Broncos Trevor Siemian gives them a better QB than they had the last they won the Super Bowl.
8 Tennessee Titans After a slow start week one, exotic smashmouth was on full display Sunday. The most exotic being Delanie Walker’s first career TD run and the rise of Derrick Henry.
9 Seattle Seahawks Their defensive front line is incredible, and their defense is still amazing overall. The offensive line is enough to take this team down, though.
10 Baltimore Ravens There’s no more difficult team for me to rank; Andy Dalton’s meltdown and the Browns being the Browns make it hard to figure out where their failings end and the Ravens begin.
11 Dallas Cowboys Losing a chunk of the offensive line and Zeke’s legal trouble put a pall over the team. They’re not the same squad as last year.
12 Detroit Lions Matthew Stafford is showing that he earned his massive contract, and their running game with Ameer Abdullah is rounding into shape.
13 Tampa Bay Buccaneers Only one game so far against a dumpster fire team. Not much to see here but defense and offense looked wonderful against Chicago.
14 Philadelphia Eagles They’re trending upward. Carson Wentz might already be the best NFC East quarterback.
15 Carolina Panthers Cam Newton’s clearly not healthy and has a history of getting worse during the year, and Greg Olsen is gone. The defense looks as good as ever, though.
16 New Orleans Saints The road to 7-9 is paved with Kenny Vaccaro blowing coverage. They’re 0-2 but I’ll take them to out-shoot any team in the league.
17 Minnesota Vikings Losing Sam Bradford turns them from a top-flight team into an also-ran. How is that a sentence that gets uttered in 2017?
18 Washington Redskins Kirk Cousins probably should have taken that cash this offseason, their offense is looking rocky.
19 Miami Dolphins Jay Ajayi is the truth until his knee collapses and Jay Cutler is as-advertised. They get no credit for Koo missing a game-winning field goal.
21 Buffalo Bills Who would have thought that hemorrhaging all your good players would result in your team cratering? And why do they hate Tyrod Taylor so much?
22 Houston Texans Watson just isn’t ready, but that defense is legit.
23 New York Giants Eli Manning should have ridden off into the sunset with Peyton.
24 Los Angeles Chargers Their kicker needs to be a lot calmer and they’d be 0-2. He should be Koo as a Koocumber.
25 Arizona Cardinals It’s the end of the line for Palmer, Arians, Fitz & Co.
26 Indianapolis Colts So you’re telling me not putting talent around Andrew Luck and then losing Andrew Luck turns a team into garbage?
27 Cincinnati Bengals They fired their O.C. because Andy Dalton is bad and because he kept giving the ball to not-Joe Mixon. Things should move upward.
28 Chicago Bears Mike Glennon, huh? That’s who you’re going with? Also if you’ve read this far please report to John Fox, you’re fourth on the WR depth chart this week.
29 Jacksonville Jaguars Jacksonville, your quarterback, woof!
30 San Francisco 49ers 99 passing yards Sunday against the Seahawks. NINETY-NINE. But the front-seven looks as-advertised.
31 Cleveland Browns Kizer looks encouraging but someone should give Corey Coleman a hand for not having a functional hand for more than a few games in a row.
32 New York Jets J E T S SUCK SUCK SUCK

About Jeff Krisko

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