In the immortal words of Killer Mike, as heard on the opening track to 2020’s RTJ4, we are back at it like a crack addict. For those of you familiar with this schtick, welcome back! For the uninitiated, here’s how this goes. Each week, my wife, Erin, and I will weigh in on some troubling fantasy roster conundrums. Here’s the twist: Erin doesn’t watch football. Just like before, I will use logic and reason to make my picks, while Erin follows raw emotion. The new twist this season is that I will be using actual start or sit questions from the Football Absurdity Discord! Without further ado…
Tom Brady vs. the Dallas Cowboys or Aaron Rodgers at the New Orleans Saints?
Bryan’s Take: This is closer than I would have originally thought. I am very high on Rodgers this season, but I think Brady might have the better Week 1 performance. My line of thought is that the Buccaneers vs. Cowboys may be a higher scoring, offensive showcase for both teams, and Brady has aerial weapons for days. Start Tom Brady in Week 1.
Erin’s Take: I don’t want to look at, or even think about, Tom Brady’s Cro-Magnon face. The only thing he’s got going for him is that he wins Super Bowls. Aaron Rodgers, on the other hand, has boyish charm and good looks and is engaged to Shailene Woodley, who I like better than Giselle. Start Aaron Rodgers in Week 1.
Gus Edwards at the Las Vegas Raiders or Ronald Jones vs. the Dallas Cowboys?
Bryan’s Take: As I stated above, I think the Buccaneers are going to have to throw more this week, which doesn’t benefit RoJo. The Ravens should be able to run, run, run, run, run, and run some more against the Raiders, leading to a barrage of Gus Bus truther victory laps all over social media. Start Gus Edwards in Week 1. **** UPDATE: Gus Edwards is likely out for the season with a knee injury. Don’t start him. ****
Erin’s Take: I just love guys named Gus. I can’t think of any bad guys named Gus. Seriously, there’s never been a bad Gus. If you’re a fan of the show Psych, like I am, you know that Gus is awesome. Also, Ronald Jones makes me think about Ronald McDonald, and he scares the crap out of me. Start Gus Edwards in Week 1. **** UPDATE: Gus Edwards is likely out for the season with a knee injury. Don’t start him. ****
D’Andre Swift vs. the San Francisco 49ers or Darrell Henderson vs. the Chicago Bears?
Bryan’s Take: I may be kicked out of the discord for saying this, but I’m a little leery of D’Andre Swift’s prospects. First, I’m not even sure the Lions have a real NFL offense. I mean, I’m sure they’ll be FINE, but they’re not exactly striking fear into anybody’s hearts. Especially not the collective hearts of the 49ers defensive line. I know he’s not super exciting, but Darrell Henderson is good at football, and Sony “bone on bone” Michel isn’t taking his job… this week. Start Darrell Henderson in Week 1.
Erin’s Take: I’m a sucker for last names that set expectations. Obviously, if I’m looking for a good football player, I want someone SWIFT. I feel like D’Andre has worked hard his whole life to live up to that name. Also, my sister recently dated a Darrell. It didn’t work out. Start D’Andre Swift in Week 1.
Antonio Brown vs. the Dallas Cowboys or Laviska Shenault vs. the Chicago Bears?
Bryan’s Take: I’m not sure why we ended up with a bunch of Buccaneers in the start/sits this week, but I’ve already stated my case pretty clearly. Brady will be throwing, and Antonio Brown should carve out a rather significant target share. Sure, there’s a lot of other mouths to feed, but Brown’s mouth has the elite talent and ability to easily make it stand out as Brady’s favorite mouth. Start Antonio Brown in Week 1.
Erin’s Take: Ugh. I know Antonio Brown is a bad person. I want to not pick him because of all the things he’s done. However, I’ve also seen him play football in person, and he’s great. It’s like he can do no wrong on the field, even though he makes so many poor choices off of it. Appreciating Antonio Brown’s athleticism is like enjoying Chris Brown’s music. Antonio Brown is the Chris Brown of football. Start Antonio Brown in Week 1.