The New York Giants have (mostly) cleaned house, getting rid of out of touch 1980s movie gym coach Ben McAdoo, and scion of the Reese’s Peanut Butter fortune, Jerry Reese. They hit a soft reset, but Eli is still making his way back. This is after they benched him for no good reason, so expect a lot of fluff pieces about how amazing Eli is at his job (throwing interceptions for three quarters and looking goofy on the sidelines). It’s hard to say what the Giants want to do with their roster this season, but there are still plenty of talented players who wouldn’t get shown the door in a disaster draft.
Lost to Free Agency: Shane Vereen, D.J. Fluker, Justin Pugh, Jonathon Casillas, Geno “Flat Earth” Smith, John “Oh my God how wide is John Greco seriously look at his official player picture” Greco
The No Doubters:
| Players | POS. | 2018 | 2019 | 2020 | 2021 | 2022 |
| Eli Manning | QB | $22,200,000 | $23,200,000 | UFA | – | – |
| Jason Pierre-Paul | DE | $17,500,000 | $19,500,000 | $17,500,000 | UFA | – |
| Olivier Vernon | DE | $17,000,000 | $19,500,000 | $19,500,000 | UFA | – |
| Damon Harrison | DT | $9,600,000 | $8,600,000 | $10,850,000 | UFA | – |
| Odell Beckham, Jr. | WR | $8,459,000 | UFA | – | – | – |
| Evan Engram | TE | $2,435,978 | $2,923,173 | $3,410,371 | – | UFA |
| Landon Collins | FS | $1,947,450 | UFA | – | – | – |
Eli is obviously back, as they’ve done enough embarrassing things regarding him being a part of the future. They need to smooth all that garbage over before absolutely destroying the goodwill of their fans. He gets his top two targets back in Beckham and Engram. Then we get the absolute strength of the Giants on display, as JPP, Vernon and Snacks Harrison are no doubters. Landon Collins is one of the best free safeties in the NFL and is an obvious keep candidate. From there, things get… dicey.
The More-Than-Likely Staying:
| Players | POS. | 2018 | 2019 | 2020 | 2021 | 2022 |
| Janoris Jenkins | CB | $13,000,000 | $12,250,000 | $12,250,000 | UFA | – |
| Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie | CB | $8,500,000 | UFA | – | – | – |
| Eli Apple | CB | $4,132,451 | $4,821,193 | – | UFA | – |
| Sterling Shepard | WR | $1,621,247 | $1,891,454 | UFA | – | – |
| Wayne Gallman | RB | $659,912 | $749,912 | $839,912 | UFA | – |
| Rhett Ellison | TE | $3,750,000 | $5,750,000 | $6,250,000 | UFA | – |
| Dalvin Tomlinson | DT | $1,039,114 | $1,246,937 | $1,454,759 | UFA | – |
| Paul Perkins | RB | $693,137 | $783,137 | UFA | – | – |
| Davis Webb | QB | $821,605 | $984,605 | $1,149,105 | UFA | – |
The cornerbacks are all maybes because they’re absolute nutcases, just pure unfiltered nutter butters. All of them ended up suspended at one point or another last season, but a new regime will overlook past indiscretions. If Jenkins doesn’t shape up, his $24.5 million between 2019 and 2020 will be harder to swallow. Then you get a bunch of unheralded, just okay offensive weapons. Sterling Shepard was neither sterling nor a shepherd in 2017. Gallman and Perkins were part of an insane three hundred person backfield last year. Rhett Ellison is apparently a good blocking tight end, and the Giants roster is so bad, that is something we want to hang onto. Dalvin Tomlinson is a step down from the big three but was a decent rotational defensive lineman. Davis Webb is also a player on the New York Giants.
The Leftovers:
The following players, mercifully, throw off the yoke of the New York Giants to join one of two completely made up teams that had their entire rosters destroyed for some insane reason… the Mexico City Conquistadors and the St. Louis Arches.
| Players | POS. | 2018 | 2019 | 2020 | 2021 | 2022 |
| Brandon Marshall | WR | $6,156,250 | UFA | – | – | – |
| Ereck Flowers | LT | $4,579,184 | – | UFA | – | – |
| John Jerry | G | $4,125,000 | $4,125,000 | UFA | – | – |
| Dwayne Harris | WR | $4,050,000 | $4,050,000 | UFA | – | – |
| Brad Wing | P | $2,025,000 | $2,125,000 | UFA | – | – |
| Ray-Ray Armstrong | OLB | $1,237,500 | UFA | – | – | – |
| Zak DeOssie | LS | $1,015,000 | UFA | – | – | – |
| Darian Thompson | FS | $939,284 | $1,039,284 | UFA | – | – |
| Nick Becton | LT | $790,000 | UFA | – | – | – |
| B.J. Goodson | ILB | $775,551 | $865,554 | UFA | – | – |
| Kristjan Sokoli | G | $705,000 | RFA | – | – | – |
| Jordan Williams | DT | $705,000 | RFA | – | – | – |
| Tim Scott | SS | $705,000 | ERFA | – | – | – |
| Jerell Adams | TE | $665,713 | $755,716 | UFA | – | – |
| Roger Lewis | WR | $636,168 | RFA | – | – | – |
| Romeo Okwara | DE | $635,000 | RFA | – | – | – |
| Kalif Raymond | WR | $630,000 | RFA | – | – | – |
| Canaan Severin | WR | $630,000 | ERFA | – | – | – |
| Thurston Armbrister | OLB | $630,000 | $720,000 | UFA | – | – |
| Andrew Adam | S | $630,000 | RFA | – | – | – |
| Brandon Dixon | CB | $630,000 | RFA | – | – | – |
| Jeremiah McKinnon | CB | $630,000 | ERFA | – | – | – |
| Marshall Koehn | K | $630,000 | ERFA | – | – | – |
| Avery Moss | DE | $618,692 | $708,692 | $798,694 | UFA | – |
| Chad Wheeler | T | $561,666 | $651,668 | RFA | – | – |
| Calvin Munson | ILB | $558,333 | $648,334 | RFA | – | – |
| Marquis Bundy | WR | $555,000 | ERFA | – | – | – |
| Amba Etta-Tawo | WR | $555,000 | ERFA | – | – | – |
| Hunter Sharp | WR | $555,000 | ERFA | – | – | – |
| Terrell Watson | RB | $555,000 | ERFA | – | – | – |
| Kyle Carter | TE | $555,000 | ERFA | – | – | – |
| Adam Bisnowaty | T | $555,000 | ERFA | – | – | – |
| Ethan Cooper | G | $555,000 | ERFA | – | – | – |
| Damien Mama | T | $555,000 | ERFA | – | – | – |
| Curtis Grant | ILB | $555,000 | ERFA | – | – | – |
| Donte Deayon | S | $555,000 | ERFA | – | – | – |
| Ryan Murphy | FS | $555,000 | ERFA | – | – | – |
| Austin Rehkow | P | $555,000 | ERFA | – | – | – |
| Aldrick Rosas | K | $555,000 | ERFA | – | – | – |
| Jessamen Dunker | T | $483,333 | $648,334 | RFA | – | – |
| Josh Banks | DT | $480,833 | $645,834 | RFA | – | – |
| Keeon Johnson | WR | $480,000 | $645,000 | RFA | – | – |
| Darius Powe | WR | $480,000 | ERFA | – | – | – |
| Jalen Simmons | RB | $480,000 | ERFA | – | – | – |
| Laurence Gibson | T | $480,000 | ERFA | – | – | – |
| Derrick Mathews | ILB | $480,000 | ERFA | – | – | – |
| Ishaq Williams | OLB | $480,000 | ERFA | – | – | – |
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