I want to personally thank Evan for doing last week’s NFL power rankings. While I disagree with some of his assertions, I think banishing the Denver Broncos for the Clemson Tigers was a good enough idea. Unfortunately, they stomped the Jets and made their way back to the NFL this week. Also, I had to restart the anti-Browns bias. They’re not quite #1, as Evan had, or #2, or #3 through #31. But they’re definitely close to being a top 31 team.
| Rank | Last Week | Team | Notes |
| 1 | 4 | Pittsburgh Steelers | This offense is completely unstoppable. |
| 2 | 2 | New England Patriots | They got their normal in-Miami-pants-around-their-ankles game. Pittsburgh looms for the top spot. |
| 3 | 3 | Minnesota Vikings | Taken down by the Panthers on the road isn’t necessarily a huge sin, but not worthy of top-two status. |
| 4 | 9 | Jacksonville Jaguars | Passed the test and took out the Seahawks with Blake Bortles (?!) |
| 5 | 7 | Los Angeles Rams | Jared Goff was outclassed by Carson Wentz on Sunday. They’re good, but not quite there yet. |
| 6 | 6 | New Orleans Saints | The offense looked absolutely lost without Alvin Kamara on Thursday Night, but he should be back from concussion next week. |
| 7 | 16 | Atlanta Falcons | Took down the previously red-hot New Orleans Saints. Granted, they tried hard to lose, but failed. |
| 8 | 8 | Seattle Seahawks | The RWBS act doesn’t always work. It just sometimes comes overwhelmingly close to working. |
| 9 | 5 | Philadelphia Eagles | All you need to know: Carson Wentz – IR (ACL) |
| 10 | 10 | Los Angeles Chargers | They’re quickly becoming the second-hottest AFC team. |
| 11 | 13 | Carolina Panthers | Who saw that J-Stew day coming? That win seems simultaneously impressive and fluky. |
| 12 | 11 | Baltimore Ravens | They might just backdoor their way into the playoffs with the overall weakness of the AFC. |
| 13 | 14 | Detroit Lions | Defense isn’t great, running game is worse. Matthew Stafford can only take them so far. |
| 14 | 24 | Green Bay Packers | Aaron Rodgers is back, they automatically end up in the top half of the league. |
| 15 | 15 | Dallas Cowboys | Dak’s back, baybee. |
| 16 | 21 | Kansas City Chiefs | Got their act together by giving Hunt 25 carries. Will they be smart enough to do it again for the rest of the season? |
| 17 | 12 | Tennessee Titans | They are SO BAD how do they have a decent record? |
| 18 | 22 | Buffalo Bills | Despite their best efforts, they’re currently the #6 seed in the AFC. |
| 19 | 19 | Washington Redskins | I don’t even know what there is to say about Washington. Do they pull the trigger on Cousins again or blow it all up? |
| 20 | 18 | Oakland Raiders | They can’t stop circling the drain. This time, they snapped the Chiefs’ skid. |
| 21 | 17 | New York Jets | They’re so overwhelmingly embarrassed by the Christian Hackenberg pick they’ll let him be the #3 QB until he retires so nobody can see how bad he is. |
| 22 | 23 | Arizona Cardinals | I can’t think of a game I’d want to watch less than Arizona 12, Tennessee 7. |
| 23 | 25 | Miami Dolphins | Had an impressive showing against New England, so they get a slight bump in the ranks, only to be returned to the depths next week. |
| 24 | 20 | Cincinnati Bengals | In the running for the worst team in Ohio. |
| 25 | 28 | San Fransisco 49ers | Jimmy Garoppolo more like Jimmy GOATroppolo. |
| 26 | 26 | Indianapolis Colts | There is literally nothing that can be learned from the Colts-Bills snow game. Go get the NFL Game Pass free trial to rewatch it, it’s that amazing. |
| 27 | 30 | Chicago Bears | Whooped up on the Bengals a week after losing to the 49ers. Yeah. Sure, why not? |
| 28 | 27 | New York Giants | Maybe it’s time to bench Eli? |
| 29 | 31 | Tampa Bay Buccaneers | The Buccaneers can’t wait for this season to end. They’re already playing like it has. |
| 30 | 29 | Houston Texans | Tom Savage had the shakes and coughed up blood after a vicious hit. Texans fans had the same reaction to this game. |
| 31 | NA | Denver Broncos | Beating the Jets gets you promoted back to the NFL. |
| 32 | 1 | Cleveland Browns | Got rid of Sashi, need to get rid of Hue, need to get rid of everything else except for Myles Garrett and Josh Gordon. |
