NFL Power Rankings, Week Thirteen – Triskaidekaphillyia

At this point, I just need to etch the top two teams and the bottom team in the power rankings into stone. The Eagles and Patriots are putting on a masterclass at the top, and the Browns are getting master blasted at the bottom. A couple teams stopped getting the benefit of the doubt and took a steep tumble in this edition of the power rankings. Only four more to go before the playoffs and I am free from my power rankings-induced nightmares!

Rank Last Week Team Thoughts
1 1 Philadelphia Eagles Turn up the sliders on Madden already. You made your point; try to challenge yourself.
2 2 New England Patriots Another week another trouncing. This is getting boring.
3 3 Pittsburgh Steelers Barely beat a bad Packers team but that’s what they do. Just cancel the AFC until Pats-Steelers in the AFCCG.
4 5 Minnesota Vikings Chose Thanksgiving to make a statement game to solidify their grip on the NFC North.
5 7 Los Angeles Rams They lost to the Vikings in their first real test, but beat the Saints in their second test.
6 4 New Orleans Saints Saints have taken a slight stumble recently, and it just comes down to flat out believing in the Vikings more now.
7 6 Jacksonville Jaguars The Jaguars continue to lose games started by Blaine Gabbert.
8 10 Carolina Panthers Quietly snuck up on the league, tying the Saints for the best record in the NFC South.
9 9 Atlanta Falcons Maybe the Falcons want to let Devonta Freeman rest a bit longer if Tevin Coleman can play like that.
10 8 Detroit Lions Their complete lack of a running game puts a significant cap on their potential.
11 11 Washington Redskins They were lucky to play the Giants on Thanksgiving when most people were in food comas.
12 15 Seattle Seahawks Like the Lions, their lack of a running game is going to be their undoing.
13 16 Los Angeles Chargers Completely dismantled the Cowboys and Philip Rivers is limiting his errors.
14 14 Tennessee Titans Adoree Jackson, a DB, is their most explosive playmaker. But they could be playoff bound in a weak AFC.
15 21 Buffalo Bills Wait you mean Tyrod Taylor gives them a better chance to win than Nathan Peterman no way.
16 13 Dallas Cowboys Dak’s brain is broken without Ezekiel Elliott. Dez isn’t an NFL WR1 anymore.
17 17 Baltimore Ravens Their offense takes 25 seconds to set up for a 3 yard run or 4 yard catch in the flat. Wasting a great defense.
18 18 Cincinnati Bengals Feeding Joe Mixon finally paid off, but I don’t trust that offense or defense. Completely average.
19 12 Kansas City Chiefs I’m done giving them the benefit of the doubt. Take a tumble.
20 19 Oakland Raiders Won the AFC West slap fight with Denver but lost Michael Crabtree at a critical juncture. Their season is toast.
21 22 Tampa Bay Buccaneers Check it out… Suckaneers. Injuries tore the offense, that was supposed to be explosive, apart. Better luck next year.
22 20 New York Jets Jetsed it up against the Panthers, but were competitive at least.
23 25 Arizona Cardinals Blaine Gabbert is tricking them into thinking he might be the future.
24 26 Green Bay Packers Brett Hundley’s reps are paying off, but he’s still not good.
25 24 Houston Texans Imagine being a 2017 Houston Texans fan and going from the Deshaun Watson offense to… this.
26 29 Indianapolis Colts Were a Marlon Mack fumble away from winning, and are just playing out the string.
27 28 Chicago Bears The entire team rushed for 18 feet. They didn’t even make it from a hoop to the three-point line on an NBA court.
28 23 Denver Broncos Siemian, Osweiler, Lynch. It doesn’t matter. Blow it all up, start over next year.
29 30 San Francisco 49ers It might finally  be Jimmy G time, and he’s thrown 2 passes so far. Both beautiful. One for a touchdown.
30 27 New York Giants They’re actively terrible.
31 31 Miami Dolphins They’re just boringly terrible, unlike the Giants.
32 32 Cleveland Browns A wise man once said, “YOU ARE A FACTORY OF SADNESS.”

 

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