Welcome back to The Degenerates Gambit! Once again, please remember that these articles are for fun, and while I love writing them and gambling on football, if you or someone you know is addicted and needs help, please get help or get help for them. The national helpline number is 1-800-522-4700.
We whipped ass last week! 4-0 with plenty of points to spare in both of our under plays! The beauty of sports betting is that we can find joy in bad football, and it’s become obvious that the fates want to give us as much bad football as humanly possible this season. Let’s get back to it!
Philadelphia Moneyline (+114, Fanduel)
Markets are overvaluing the recent Cincinnati run. After starting 0-3, they lost to Baltimore but have beaten *checks notes* Carolina, Cleveland, and the New York Giants. Philadelphia hasn’t been much better, but I’m taking the team with the better defense and run game to win a midseason matchup that feels like a must-win for both sides. I’m taking the Eagles at plus odds, and looking to parlay that with any bet I can get on Nick Sirianni yelling at a ballboy for no reason.
Green Bay -4 (-110, BetMGM)
Jordan Love has been a great fantasy and real-life QB, and though once a week he goes Animorphs Brett Favre Mode, overall he has been lighting up opposing defenses. Trevor Lawrence and the Jags are lost, and their biggest weakness being stopping opposing pass games plays directly into the Packers’ strengths. Green Bay’s defense is solidifying, and I think this game is a blowout.
Miami -3.5 (-105, Fanduel)
I can’t blame Tua for wanting to come back, I just wish he wouldn’t. However, he’s back this week and he’s going to absolutely shit on a completely lost Cardinals team that can’t sustain drives, stop opposing passing games, or stop the run. This game should be an absolute ass-whipping, with Tyreek, De’Von Achane, Raheem Mostert, and (probably) Jaylen Waddle taking out a month’s worth of frustrations on a team that we all thought had some sneaky potential this year. Marvin Harrison Jr is going to tell Mike McDaniel to “come get me” during the post-game handshakes.
Carolina/Denver UNDER 41.5 (-110, DraftKings)
The long-prophesied Bryce Young/Bo Nix showdown is here. I’ve had struggles in my life, from losing loved ones to relationship problems to job issues, etc. However, I look at the schedule and see Carolina and Denver are playing each other, and, like, God truly does love his soldiers. Sixty full American minutes of Bryce Young! An hour of Bo Nix! Javonte Williams and Chuba Hubbard! Soon to be traded, Courtland Sutton and Diontae Johnson! LUCAS KRULL?
Last Week: 4-0
Year to Date: 15-13
