Welcome back to The Degenerates Gambit! Once again, please remember that these articles are for fun, and while I love writing them and gambling on football, if you or someone you know is addicted and needs help, please get help or get help for them. The national helpline number is 1-800-522-4700.
For the second straight week, we’ve gone 3-1 here, so if you sickos have been tailing me, you’ve come up quite a bit ahead. With the student loan pause ending here at the end of the month, I’m working hard to make sure Navient has all their bills paid by studying the lines and spending every possible minute that I’m not at work hitting the books.
Look at me, I’m a job creator! My girlfriend is thrilled. At this rate, we’ll be able to finish “Only Murders in the Building” in 9-12 months. Isn’t she lucky?
Detroit -3 (-120)
Hell hath no fury like home Jared Goff. Last week the Lions were once again outgunned by the Seattle Seahawks in the annual “Take the Over No Matter What” Bowl. However, there’s a huge difference between last week and this week: the quality of the opponent. Now, I took the Falcons to win the division this year after fellow THfantaC podcast host Shane dropped some knowledge on me back in August, but their recipe for success is to limit mistakes, slow the game down, and win ugly. With Aiden Hutchinson looking to ruin Desmond Ridder’s life and strengthen his case for DPOY, the Falcons are going to need more firepower than they have at QB in order to remain competitive against a team I expect to put up over 25 points this weekend. If this bet doesn’t hit, it’s because Arthur Smith has finally forgiven Kyle Pitts for whatever he did to him.
New Orleans/Green Bay UNDER 42.5 (-110)
I’ve been banging the drum all week that it’s time to sell Jordan Love wherever you can. He’s thrown 3 touchdowns in both of his games this season against the respective defensive dumpster fires burning brightly in the night skies of Chicago and Atlanta. New Orleans is a different animal entirely when it comes to their defensive roster, and the lack of an effective running game on both sides tells me neither side will be able to maintain a consistent offensive attack. I expect this one to get ugly, and I am working under the assumption that Jordan Love falls back to Earth this week, whereas Derek Carr is, well, Derek Carr.
Pittsburgh/Las Vegas UNDER 43 (-110)
I try to shy away from games without a hook on the point total, because I fear too much can go wrong, and I hate a pushed bet. They say a tie in the NFL is like kissing your sister, so I guess a push on a bet is like paying for dinner and having your date tell you on the way to your car that they’ve read every Jordan Peterson book. These two teams have absolutely putrid offenses, and I am putting money on this game so that I can get joy from watching Josh Jacobs and Najee Harris combine for 28 carries and 62 rushing yards.
Long Shot Play of the Week: Tennessee Moneyline (+162)
Tennessee destroyed several of my big bets last week with a stunning upset of the Chargers, while Cleveland is still reeling from the loss of Nick Chubb and playing on short rest. We saw how inept the Browns looked when facing off against a defense that can stop the run, and here we are again. Myles Garrett has been playing out of his mind so far this season, but with Tennessee choosing to run into a 9 man box over and over again instead of passing, the opportunities he’ll have to wreck the game should be less than usual. This one has the potential to be another hideous defensive struggle that gets roughly 15 seconds of airtime on Red Zone. The script is set for Deshaun Watson to come in and win the game through the air against a pass funnel defense, but so far he’s shown that last year was less “shaking off rust” and more “sucks forever now.” May his karmic debt continue to manifest on the field. Titan up.
Last Week: 3-1
Season Total: 6-2
LSPOTW: 1-1
