The first full-length Hot Takes of the year is here, where we examine funny comments about the NFL from people who don’t have a clue. Like this person:
From a Fox News article about beer getting thrown in a Tennessee player’s face.
Hmm, yes “I don’t know what racism is,” is a totally normal thing for a normal person to say. To paraphrase Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart, “I shall not attempt to further define the kinds of material I deem to be racist, and perhaps I could never succeed in intelligibly doing so. But I know it when I see it, and it’s totally this post from a USA Today article about Odell Beckham, Jr’s watch:”
Ah yes, proper grammar: The benchmark of cultural enrichment. I have to watch NFL games on mute, lest my children’s ears be forever soiled from hearing a dastardly double negative. Why did “those people” have to bring their “culture” to the NFL and ruin the established zenith of civilized behavior known as “guys slamming into each other and slapping butts?”
Alright, sarcasm now switched to “off.” If double negatives are a silly thing to get worked up about, so is someone posting an objectively wrong opinion on NFL’s facebook page:
Who, calm down now. Adding an extra level of crazy to this exchange is the fact that it comes in a post about Torrey Smith’s retirement.
Mahomes is clearly better. He’s not perfect… well, unless you are this total Mahomer from a youtube clip of Mahomes trying a no-look pass to Travis Kelce and utterly missing:
Hmm, yes this is totally a situation where Mahomes would want to throw it away rather than hit Kelce for a touchdown:
Yes, that textbook move of “throw it away when their are no defenders within 10 feet of you.”
While we’re on the topic of unique opinions, did you know that the Panthers lost last night because they were sad?
From the Carolina Panthers Facebook page.
While we’re on the subject of sad, here is a pair of people who can’t seem to keep their opinions to themselves long enough for the NY Giants to make a solemn 9/11 memorial post on Instagram:
Also in the vein of “let’s celebrate something horrible” is this person from a Yahoo post about Rob Gronkowski’s potential return.
Yeah, how can you call him the G.O.A.T. when he hasn’t even developed a chronic brain injury?! I bet he can even remember what day of the week it is after a game, the loser!
While we’re on the subject of losers, here’s a hot take about a Yahoo article on Sam Darnold’s mono:
I don’t think James has ever gotten lay, if you know what I’m saying (in a grammatically correct fashion).
At least James has some sort of attachment to the rules of the English language, unlike this post on an article about whether the Miami Dolphins are tanking:
“Just a thought,” makes me fear for the demon spiders inhabiting the cobwebs of 78vettesteve’s mind. At least he doesn’t bother making up ridiculous numbers, like the conspiracy theorist in this final funny comment, from an article about the referee’s ball spot in the Panthers-Bucs game:
Yes, everything is a Vegas conspiracy, because if there’s one true constant, it’s that the House always loses unless it engineers a multi-tiered conspiracy.
That’s all for this week, check out these past Hot Takes for more opinions from crazy people:
Hot Takes from Crazy People: Fun Sized Edition
Hot Takes from Crazy People: Womb Cell Mate
Hot Takes from Crazy People: We’ll by Any Chance R U Available Person?
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