The 2018 NFL Season kicks off Thursday, which means it’s time to hit my randomizer and put teams in some sort of order for NFL power rankings. So… Here are the Week One 2018 NFL Power Rankings. These are all you need, as they won’t change all season and are as good as money in the bank.
Week One NFL Power Rankings
| Rank | Last | Team | Notes |
| 1 | 7 | Philadelphia Eagles | To be the best, you gotta beat the best. The Eagles and BDN Foles took down the Pats in the Super Bowl and are the #1 team pending further review. |
| 2 | 1 | New England Patriots | Tom Brady can’t catch a football to save his life, and everyone who could competently catch one is off the roster except Gronk & Chris Hogan. |
| 3 | 2 | Minnesota Vikings | Sheldon Richardson and Kirk Cousins add to a team that kept the band together. |
| 4 | 5 | Los Angeles Rams | Another year of Goff & Gurley, they upgraded the defense at every level in big ways… oh, and they swapped Sammy Watkins for Brandin Cooks. |
| 5 | 3 | Pittsburgh Steelers | The year is 2032. Big Ben considers retirement. The Steelers are the second-best team in the AFC to Tom Brady’s Patriots. |
| 6 | 4 | Jacksonville Jaguars | They will go as far as Blake Bortles tries to take them, or as far as the coaching staff stops Bortles from trying to take them places. |
| 7 | 6 | New Orleans Saints | The Saints lose Mark Ingram for four games but gain defensive upgrades. They could have made it to the Super Bowl last season. |
| 8 | 12 | Green Bay Packers | Aaron Rodgers is back, his BFF is gone and people are hyping Jake Kumerow (???), but they upgraded all around the defense through the draft. |
| 9 | 15 | Los Angeles Chargers | The most snakebitten NFL team should get a lucky bounce back that already started when Derwin James fell to them. R.I.P. Joey Bosa, though. |
| 10 | 8 | Atlanta Falcons | The ATL Boys will unsexily be the fifth-or-sixth best team in the NFC every single year between now and the heat death of the universe. |
| 11 | 9 | Carolina Panthers | Cam Newton has the most intriguing set of weapons he’s ever had around him and the most depleted offensive line. |
| 12 | 30 | Houston Texans | The three or four games they get this year with J.J. Watt and Jadeveon Clowney together will surely be magical. |
| 13 | 13 | Dallas Cowboys | By the time I write this and you read it, another offensive lineman will get an obscure illness and/or a nagging injury. |
| 14 | 28 | Indianapolis Colts | Andrew Luck is back, which means the roster is a dumpster fire, but at least they have Andrew Luck! |
| 15 | 22 | San Francisco 49ers | Their early schedule is brutal, with the Vikings, Chargers, Packers, and Rams in the first seven weeks. 4-3 will be a miracle. They’ll likely tumble down these here power rankings. |
| 16 | 19 | Tennessee Titans | Let’s see what these Titans have in their bag of tricks before anointing them. |
| 17 | 14 | Kansas City Chiefs | The defense is going to be horrific, and Patrick Mahomes has a million dollar arm with a ten cent processor. This could go either way. |
| 18 | 27 | Chicago Bears | They added Khalil Mack, Roquan Smith, Allen Robinson, Trey Burton and Taylor Gabriel. Mein Gott. |
| 19 | 11 | Baltimore Ravens | Joe Flacco’s last stand. |
| 20 | 16 | Detroit Lions | They got a running back! They got two of them! Oh god this is going to be a stupid mess at RB again, isn’t it? |
| 21 | 18 | Washington | Let Kirk Cousins walk so they could trade a talented young slot corner for Alex Smith and give him the contract that Kirk Cousins wanted. I mean… sure, okay. |
| 22 | 10 | Seattle Seahawks | I want to see what this new LOB-less iteration of the Seahawks has in their toolbox. I don’t think it will be pretty. |
| 23 | 17 | Buffalo Bills | Josh Allen can throw it over a mountain, but he needs a target as big as, “the other side of this mountain.” |
| 24 | 25 | New York Giants | Call me unconvinced that a running back at #2 will turn this team’s fortunes around. |
| 25 | 26 | Cincinnati Bengals | A bolstered offensive line and the sophomore improvements of Joe Mixon & John Ross could turn this offense around in a hurry. They’ll probably shoot up these here power rankings. |
| 26 | 24 | Miami Dolphins | Got rid of almost all their good players in the name of changing the culture. I guess throwing in the towel before the season starts is a culture change. |
| 27 | 31 | Denver Broncos | How long can John Elway get credit for snagging Peyton Manning five seasons ago? |
| 28 | 21 | New York Jets | They’re rebuilding, and it’s going to be a bumpy year. |
| 29 | 23 | Arizona Cardinals | See the Jets… but everyone is old, too. |
| 30 | 20 | Oakland Raiders | Full disclosure: I started these NFL power rankings on Friday, then The Grudening happened, and they went from 20 to 30 |
| 31 | 32 | Cleveland Browns | Call the jump from 32 to 31 in the power rankings the Hard Knocks Bump. They’ll probably fall bass-ackwards into 4 or 5 wins this season. |
| 32 | 29 | Tampa Bay Buccaneers | The front seven is good, but the offense is a disaster. Dirk Koetter won’t make it to Thanksgiving. |
