Las Vegas released its preliminary 2018 NFL Super Bowl odds on Monday, and there’s so much wrong with them, I don’t even know where to start.
Well, first, there’s the New England Patriots… First. Never mind their coaching staff is imploding. Never mind that literally every single head coach in the league not named Bill Belichick has changed since Tom Brady first started for New England and that Brady is older than three NFL head coaches. Never mind that Gronk might call it quits and that Brady and Belichick might be thinking the same thing. Never mind all that. Oh, also, never mind that they literally just lost a game to the #3 team (Philadelphia Eagles) with Philly’s backup quarterback, Napoleon Dynamite himself, Nicholas Foles. Never mind that Tom Brady open mouth kisses his kid and is afraid of strawberries. Never mind all that. The Patriots should have the best odds.
That’s not why Las Vegas has lost its mind, though. The top seven teams in the league next year are:
New England Patriots +350
Green Bay Packers +800
Philadelphia Eagles +850
Pittsburgh Steelers +1000
Minnesota Vikings +1200
Los Angeles Rams +1750
San Francisco 49ers +1800
Cue record scratch. The implied Las Vegas NFC standings next year are Green Bay (sure), Philly (ultimate disrespect), Minny (no quarterback yet but okay), Los Angeles (here we go) and a team with no secondary, no interior offensive line, and no red zone threat, the San Francisco 49ers. The implied odds here are that the 49ers will battle the Rams for the NFC West lead. As a 49ers fan, I can tell you that that’s absolutely insane. Sure, they won five in a row to end the season, but it’s a long road to the 49ers battling for the NFC West crown. I see 8-8 as a reasonable goal, and us 49ers fans should do cartwheels if they squeak into the sixth seed. I mean, Jimmy G is handsome, you can’t deny that, but like all the other handsome men that you bet on, he’ll leave you sad and alone if you put money down on the Niners there.
On the other hand, Seattle +2500 (implied the fifteenth-best team in the league) is both cool, and good.