Last week mostly went to chalk at the top and the bottom of the NFL power rankings. Some situations clarified themselves, but when the best team is on a Bye and two of the worst teams play each other, you aren’t going to get much movement at the top. I might start writing the first three teams and the last team up for the rest of the year now. The middle is a mess, with Richard Sherman and Tyron Smith’s injuries hurting title contenders in Seattle and Dallas, and the middle and the Vikings finally vaulting into the top-ten. Where does your team rank in this week’s NFL Power Rankings?
| Rank | Last Week | Team | Thoughts |
| 1 | 1 | Philadelphia Eagles | Ain’t no lie, they were on Bye Bye Bye. |
| 2 | 2 | New England Patriots | Remember how stupid we were to think that the AFC East was ever in doubt? |
| 3 | 3 | Los Angeles Rams | The sun may rise in the… uh, what direction? East? Anyway, it settles in the NFC West with the LA Rams. Their biggest test is the Saints, Eagles, and Vikings in the next four games. |
| 4 | 7 | Pittsburgh Steelers | They did the classic Pittsburgh Steelers thing of not caring about a terrible team in front of them. They need to stop that. |
| 5 | 8 | New Orleans Saints | The real deal. Absolutely shellacked the Bills without needing Drew Brees to do all that much. |
| 6 | 4 | Kansas City Chiefs | It’s so hard to play a Bye to yesterday |
| 7 | 5 | Jacksonville Jaguars | Won by leaning on Blake Bortles, which is not a sentence I thought I would type. |
| 8 | 13 | Minnesota Vikings | I didn’t trust the QB situation, but Case Keenum might just be doing enough to fix that. |
| 9 | 9 | Washington Redskins | There isn’t any shame in losing to the Vikings without Jordan Reed. Letting Case Keenum throw for four touchdowns is another story. |
| 10 | 6 | Dallas Cowboys | No Zeke and no Tyron Smith made for a long long day for Dak. Smith should be back soon which means I’m not worried about their rank. |
| 11 | 10 | Detroit Lions | The bad run game broke through against the stifling run defense. You can’t predict football. |
| 12 | 14 | Carolina Panthers | Completely embarrassed the Dolphins on MNF. Cam Newton, Christian McCaffrey, and Luke Kuechly are really good, y’all. |
| 13 | 17 | Tennessee Titans | They quietly haven’t lost in over a month and are finally healthy on offense. A Titans-Jaguars showdown for the AFC South looms in Week Seventeen. |
| 14 | 15 | Atlanta Falcons | Cruised to a win and might be righting the ship, but is it too little, too late? |
| 15 | 16 | Oakland Raiders | Good Bye my Raiders, good Bye my friends |
| 16 | 11 | Seattle Seahawks | Losing Richard Sherman makes this a lost season for Seattle. They may make the playoffs but the LOB is dead for 2017. |
| 17 | 12 | Buffalo Bills | Good thing they shipped off Marcell Dareus to allow 492 rushing yards in their last two games. Real. Good. Thing. |
| 18 | 18 | Tampa Bay Buccaneers | If Jameis doesn’t get back soon, it’s hasta luego for the Bucs. |
| 19 | 19 | Denver Broncos | E X P O S E D. Brock Osweiler isn’t a starting caliber quarterback and they are not a top-half of the NFL team with him at QB. |
| 20 | 20 | Cincinnati Bengals | The only thing more criminal than Joe Mixon punching a woman in the face is him only getting nine carries this past weekend. |
| 21 | 22 | Los Angeles Chargers | Another weekend, another absolutely brutal Chargers loss. |
| 22 | 21 | New York Jets | Lost to the Bucs in the wet fart bowl. They would need to bench McCown for the future QB but… Bryce Petty? Christian Hackenberg? |
| 23 | 24 | Baltimore Ravens | You say yes, I say no. You say stop, and I say go go go. You say good Bye, and I say, Flacco. Flacco, Flacco! |
| 24 | 26 | Green Bay Packers | Beating the Bears don’t make you good, and the injuries are definitely #NotGood. |
| 25 | 25 | Chicago Bears | The Bears answered the question, “who in the world would lose to Brett Hundley?” |
| 26 | 28 | Houston Texans | Watson’s injury was somehow the worst thing to happen to Houston this year. |
| 27 | 23 | Arizona Cardinals | They’re lucky the Dolphins exist or they’d be the worst possible 4-5 team. |
| 28 | 29 | Indianapolis Colts | Kudos to the Colts for not completely packing it in this year. This is their fourth loss by less than a touchdown. |
| 29 | 27 | Miami Dolphins | The worst possible 4-5 team in the history of the universe. |
| 30 | 31 | San Francisco 49ers | THE SAN FRANCISCO FORTY-NINERS HAVE WON THE SUPER BOWL |
| 31 | 30 | New York Giants | Ben McAdoo needs to be fired… out of a cannon… into the sun |
| 32 | 32 | Cleveland Browns | At this point it’s nice I only have to worry about ranking 31 teams. |
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