Masshole Matt here with my ideal New England Patriots 2019 mock draft. The key is ingenuity: We Bostonians invented it. Whether it’s picking wide receivers out of our garbage-filled harbor and turning them into superstars or banging a U’ey on the Ave right when the light turns green, us Bostonians are way beyond you beat normies. That holds true for my New England Patriots 2019 mock draft.
First, a moment of silence for one of the greatest chowderheads of all time (along with Paul Revere and the Holy Spirit): Rob Gronkowski. Shut your mouths for a minute and show respects.
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Yes, after nine seasons, too many personal records to list, and one too many beer cans to the face, Rob Gronkowski has banged out for good. The last few years, Gronk was not the same player that dominated the league earlier in his career, but he was always as unstoppable as a Nor’easter. It’s too bad he only finished with three rings. If he stuck it out, he’d definitely end up with a draw full of ‘em. With or without Gronk, the Patriots are favorites to win the Super Bowl. Again. We still got Tom Brady, the best QB ever as evidenced by his sizzlin’ tonguebath of a wife. We still got Bill Belichick, the best coach the universe has ever seen. The Patriots have twelve picks in the 2019 NFL draft (including six in the first three rounds) to make this championship squad even stronger. This season is going to be wicked pisser. Seriously, all the other teams in the league should be taking notes on how it’s done. With steadfast draft management, the Pats can win at least three more Super Bowls over the next decade. It’s very likely Belichick will use his genius to trade some of this embarrassment of riches away. Following the proven “Patriot Way,” the quality of these players’ character is just as important as their on-field skills.
My New England Patriots 2019 mock draft used this draft simulator with which we ain’t affiliated. It will only cover the first four rounds (seven picks) because I’ve got to get to the packie for some whiskey in my frappe before the ice cream all melts.
New England Patriots 2019 Mock Draft
Round 1 – Pick 32 – Jerry Tillery, DL, Notre Dame
His Will be done, hosies at the end of the first round means we get this mad mush Tillery. Tillery will be able to put pressure on opposing QBs all day. Since the Patriots will be playing with a lead more often than not, there will be ample opportunity for pressures, knockdowns, and sacks. Tillery nearly doubled his 4 sack 2017 campaign when he racked up 7.5 sacks last season. He’s also matured a lot since 2016, when he blew up Twitter, calling for the Fighting Irish to replace Brian Kelly with Les Myles. There was also the 2016 game where he kicked a USC Trojan in the head. Unfortunately, those days are behind him. Tillery will fall in line in New England for the chance to play under the legendary coach Belichick and get himself about a dozen rings.
Round 2 – Pick 56 – Sean Bunting, CB, Central Michigan
Teams will have to throw to keep up with Brady’s bunch, and that’s where Bunting’s skills come into play. Bunting is the balls: A smart, ranging corner, who plays excellent zone coverage. There’s been questions about his long speed, but he runs a 4.42 40. He was also Central Michigan’s defensive player of the year. That’s more than enough for Belichick and, new defensive coordinator, Greg Schiano to work with to make him a champion. This is a prototypical Patriots’ “next man up” pick that will keep the defense young and hungry for years.
Round 2 – Pick 64 – Christian Miller, LB, Alabama
Our second 2nd round pick keeps us on the defensive side of the ball. After all, coach Belichick is a defensive mastermind, and loves having lots of versatile pieces at his disposal. Versatility is Christian Miller’s forte. He doesn’t have a lot of playing time under his belt after missing 10 games in his Junior year due to a torn biceps. Another injury, hamstring, kept him out of last year’s national championship game. In the games he has played, he has shown remarkable backfield vision, and was a consistent contributor. He is exactly the kind of player the Patriots love. He’s just as effective on the pass rush as he is dropping into pass coverage. He’s also smart enough to diagnose and stuff a planned run. Flexible, brainy linebackers are always welcome in Foxborough. Yah huh!
Round 3 – Pick 73 – Dax Raymond, TE, Utah State
Now that we smucked ‘em in the first two rounds, bettah turn our attention to offense. Dax Raymond wore #87 at Utah State, probably as an homage to Rob Gronkowski. Raymond is a pure receiving tight end, that will fit right in on this juggernaut. We all know how much Brady loves utilizing the tight end, and Dax can fill the void just vacated by the best human specimen in NFL history. Only time will tell how well he can fill those shoes. Obviously, having Tom Brady under center will give him every opportunity to succeed at the NFL level.
Round 3 – Pick 97 – Riley Ridley, WR, Georgia
Our second 3rd round pick is another weapon for the sick nasty Patriots passing attack. Ridley will be the next Troy Brown. This kid’s got moves. He can run curls, crosses, slants, and can even run to Dunkin’ for a coffee roll. Ridley’s got big ups and great hands. The only black mark on his record is an arrest for marijuana possession in 2017. He’s going to have to keep those habits under control if he wants to take the field with Tom Brady. Let’s face it, there is no better way for a young receiver to start their NFL career. Pahk yah cah in Hahvahd Yahd!
Round 3 – Pick 104 – Joe Giles-Harris, LB, Duke
And with the last of our 3rd round selections, we find another perfect fit for a Belichick defense. At 6’ 2”, 240lbs, Joe Giles-Harris is a smart, strong inside linebacker who can control the middle of the field. Giles-Harris plays up at the line of scrimmage and knows how to read and react to offensive schemes. He’s excellent in zone pass coverage, can keep up with tight ends and running backs on passing routes, and takes good angles to snuff out runs. Giles-Harris is a playmaker with next level finishing ability. He is the future face of this Patriots defense, following in the footsteps of Tedy Bruschi and Mike Vrabel. I really feel bad for the rest of the AFC East, they gonna be spastic like a chucklehead falling off the monsta onto his neck.
Round 4 – Pick 134 – Will Grier, QB, West Virginia
Brady may very well be the Patriots QB for the next five years. Hell, that lace curtain Irish looks just as good now as he did in his first seven Super Bowls. All these kids have come and gone, and still Brady remains like greenies remain workin’ in McDanks. There were hopes that Jimmy Garoppolo was the heir apparent, but he took his talents, and two Super Bowl rings, to San Francisco. You’re welcome, Niners. Will Grier certainly fits the Patriots mold. He’s a patient pocket passer, who knows how to work progressions, and check down when needed. Grier plays with confidence and has been touted as a strong leader. He is not a polished and ready NFL prospect, but Brady isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. Grier will have at least a couple years to watch and learn from the grandmaster himself.
Wow! I can’t believe that’s just half of the Patriots’ potential picks this year. Belichick gonna get value like a guy bringing a twomp to the five-and-ten! Throughout this draft, I’ve talked a lot about Brady and Belichick’s influence, but haven’t mentioned Julian Edelman, Sony Michel, James White… Good luck, NFL. Yiz gonna need it. They hate us cause they ain’t us. #LFG
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