Friday Football Freakshow: The NFL Hot Takes Awards

<Steps out under light-bulb marquee which reads “NFL Hot Takes Award Night 2017.” Straightens bowtie. Glances nervously at crotch before remembering that Gonnhorea doesn’t show on outside of pants. Audience applauds.>

Hello! Welcome to this year’s NFL hot takes awards show, where we give awards in many totally-not-written-after-the-fact categories. By coincidence, all of the winners of this yearly award were from this very week! We’ve got lots of awards for all kinds of NFL hot takes, so let’s kick it off!

The Award for “Most Bafflingly Ambiguous Political Jab Shoehorned into a Football Article”

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NFL Hot Takes

From NFL.com’s Saints Can Make History with Turnover-Free Game

 

The Award for “Most Basic Joke about the Carolina Panther’s Fan Punching Video that Somebody Still Managed to Not Get”

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NFL Hot Takes

From Yahoo Sports Ugly Fight in Stands Mars Panthers Game

 

The award for “Most Well-Buried Lede about Gay Fetishes in an NFL Football Article”

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NFL Hot Takes

 

The Award for “Most Embarrassing Fantasy Football Mistake that I Am Only Making Fun of Because I Have Probably Done It, Too”

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NFL Hot Takes

From CBS Sports Week 6 Fantasy Football Rankings. (Note: AJ Green is on bye, this week).

 

The Award for “Poster Who Is Most Likely in Desperate Need of Schizophrenia Medication”

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NFL Hot Takes

From ESPN

 

The Award for “Comment by a Poster I Most Hope Has the Least Contact with Women” 

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NFL Hot Takes

From NFL.com’s Jerry Jones: Ezekiel Elliott Court Ruling a Setback

and finally…

The Award for “Burn of the Week of the Year”

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NFL Hot tAkes

From ESPN’s NFL Decides to Keep Game in Oakland, Monitor Air Quality

 

Thanks for coming to the 2017 NFL Hot Takes awards. Tune in next week, when we give out more awards for the year 2017, thus rendering tonight’s awards way less meaningful!

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