Super Bowl Predictions
We were wondering: is there an article we can make that ensures all of us, save maybe one, look like fools? Then it hit us: Super Bowl Predictions! Peppered with facts and salted with salitness, we hope these analyses give you the info you need to place a good bet, or show up your friends, or change the future or whatever it is you do with Super Bowl predictions.
Evan Hoovler: New Orleans has an all-time great offense, and just enough playmakers to get them to the big dance. Drew Brees is a playoff veteran, who can change up the game and not make a game-changing mistake. The Los Angeles Chargers are one of the most well-balanced playoff teams of this century, with a top-5 offense and a top-10 defense. While Rivers hasn’t gone as deep into the playoffs as Brees, he is by no means green. If we were just measuring quarterbacks, Brees would have the obvious advantage: Both threw 32 touchdowns this season, but Brees had five INTs compared with twelve for Rivers. But factoring in the whole picture, the Chargers come out ahead: They have perhaps the best and deepest receiving core in the NFL, and their defense could easily disrupt Brees with a fierce pass rush. Chargers 24, Saints 22
Waleed Ismail: The NFL is a league of parity. This year, only five of the playoff teams from 2017 made the playoffs. That means seven new teams had a chance of being Super Bowl champions. That is, they would have had a chance if they didn’t have to face the New England Patriots. Because the more things change in the NFL, the more they stay the same. Why do we play this game? Why do we lie to ourselves? Occasionally, the New York Giants or the Philadelphia Eagles will upset the Patriots to make it interesting. But what chance do the Saints have against evil incarnate? Patriots 27, Saints 24
Mike Maxwell: Ok, so if you’ve been only following my picks, then you know I am forecasting a Eagles v. Cowboys NFC Championship. Why would I wish that on the world? As one of my favorite movie lines goes, ‘Some men just want to watch the world burn.’ On the AFC side, I’ve picked a KC v. LA matchup that is a pity lineup for fans of choking dogs. I know I’m getting soft in my old age. Super Bowl Prediction: Eagles v. Chiefs. I wanted this last year and like a bitter kid seeing Santa the next December, I am asking for this again. If this happens, the press will take one week to process the double flop of the Saints and Rams, then go into three days of showing Andy Reid as a ten-year-old punting the ball at the NFL ‘Next’ event where he was like 6’2”. Waleed cries ‘defense wins championships’ more than a divorced high school football coach. Well, not this year. This year is when the NFL quietly absorbs the philosophy of the Arena League and hopes for a 54-49 game. With this matchup, I’d have to roll with the Chiefs right? The question is which destruction do I want to see? Do I want the Eagles to have to wake up with a back up who’s done more ever than any starter has for the franchise? Do I want to see the Chiefs wake up and no longer have doubts about Andy Reid’s clutch decisions and time management? I DON’T KNOW! Yes I do. Chiefs 41, Eagles 34 MVP of the league and Super Bowl? I was so wrong at the start of the year so this is my apology prediction Patrick!
Jonathan Hart: New Orleans has almost too many offensive weapons. Defense is good enough to keep the scoring lower. I don’t think the Chargers can stop Michael Thomas and the two running backs. New Orleans is just too complete: Good defense, great offense. Really good field marshall (Brees) who has been there before and knows how to keep his head on straight. Cowboys beat the Saints 13-10, but I don’t think the Chargers defense is as good as the Dallas defense, especially not in the playoffs. Rivers has a sneaky good wide receiver core. Both teams are rounded, however Rivers makes unforced errors at critical times in games. Saints 27, Chargers 23
Will Button: The Chiefs are hot this year, and while their defense may not hold steady in every game, their offense more than makes up for it. I see an easy win against the Colts and a narrow victory against either the Chargers or Patriots. On the other end, the Saints have done a phenomenal job at putting up solid numbers all season. Drew Brees is incredibly accurate and certainly has a good receiving corps to rely on. Their path is a bit more difficult than the Chiefs, but assuming they can shut down Nick Foles and gain a victory over either the Rams or Cowboys, they’ll be in for one hell of a Superbowl. The key for both of these teams is offense. Avoiding costly turnovers and having a high time of possession on each drive will ensure a victory. While defense does win championships, these two teams are built around their powerful offense. Brees and Mahomes will have to put up steady and consistent numbers to combat any bungles on the defensive side. We’ll all be very lucky fans if we can see this matchup take place. Chiefs 43, Saints 27
Jeff Krisko: How does the saying go? Save the bloviating blowhard for last? Well, then, here we go.
Nothing in this world would make me happier than watching Andrew Luck and Drew Brees duke it out for the Super Bowl. It would represent a true passing of the guard, as Andrew Luck represents the new, up-and-coming QB class, the ones that looked up to guys like Brees in high school. You can already hear the saccharine piano music underneath shots of Drew Brees while Andrew Luck is doing a sit-down interview about how it’s an honor to play against Brees and blah, blah blah. Here’s how it happens.
HOW THE COLTS MAKE THE SUPER BOWL
The Kansas City Chiefs are frauds and will be exposed as frauds. The Chiefs boast a massive 32.75 (road) – 18 (home) points-against split, but they played just two playoff teams at home, and the Chargers and the Ravens both topped three touchdowns against the Chiefs. K.C. failed to beat either team in regulation, and ultimately defeated Baltimore in OT. This goes a long way towards their fraudulent 2-4 record against playoff teams during the regular season. That strong defense allowed just eighteen points per game at home? The Chargers and Ravens were the only teams they played at home that were in the top half of the league in points per game. The Colts will expose them from the frauds they are, and take them down this weekend.
Tom Brady’s decline is well-documented, and like Louise Mensch, I take no joy in reporting that their execution is nigh. It’s hard to go in-depth with the Patriots vis a vis the Colts chances since they won’t even make it past the Chargers this weekend. I’ll put it this way: this game this weekend is probably Gronk’s last game in the NFL. Now, saying the Patriots are going to be blown out is hyperbolic, as only the much-ballyhooed offenses of the Chiefs, Rams, and Saints scored more points than them this year. However, the Chargers, who they play this weekend, are nipping at their heels, just 0.4 points per game behind the Patriots. The Chargers and the Patriots have two similarly-ranked defenses, as well, with the Chargers allowing 0.3 points per game more than the Patriots this year. Ultimately, Tom Brady’s inability/unwillingness to stand in the pocket and take a gosh darned hit against the Bosa-Ingram duo will be their undoing.
That brings us to the Los Angeles Super Chargers, a team that has struggled mightily on offense lately. Philip Rivers hasn’t been the same down the stretch, Melvin Gordon is banged up, and they will need to lean on the defense to get past the Patriots. They will have no such luxury against the Colts. Andrew Luck & Co. have their offense built on three pieces: T.Y. Hilton, Marlon Mack, and Eric Ebron. While the Chargers will likely lock up Hilton (they allowed just one wide receiver over 78 yards after their week eight bye). However, no team allowed more running back touchdowns (eight) over the last five weeks of the season, and only eight teams allowed more RB yards in that timeframe. As for Ebron, there’s not much the Chargers can do to stop him. He’s the biggest, baddest end zone weapon for the Colts. The AFCCG is going to be lit, and you can’t spell “Indianapolis Colts are going to the Super Bowl” without “lit.”
HOW THE SAINTS ARE GOING TO THE SUPER BOWL
BDN and the Philadelphia Eagles are going to run out of pixie dust. The game-winning Golden Tate play was a busted play that ended up working out, and Foles ended up with at least one more desperate heave that ended up with an Eagle instead of a Bear. The Bears pass rush was neutralized last week by Foles having one of the fastest times to throw in a game since they’ve tracked it, and that frenetic pace with a marginal QB leads to bad decisions that require more luck than skill. That skill will run out this weekend against a Saints team that is rested, healed up, and ready to get back to its buzz saw ways. They’ll cruise over the Eagles this weekend. What of their NFC East compatriots?
The Cowboys? Hahahahahahahahahaha—oh wait, they already beat the Saints. Well, to be more specific, the Saints beat themselves. The Cowboys slowed down the game a ton and failed to give the Saints offense the requisite reps it needed to score at their normal volume. That game plan works a little bit easier in Jerry World than in the Super Dome. If the Cowboys pull off a miracle and take out the Rams, the Saints won’t make the same mistake twice, and they’ll take out the Cowboys.
That leaves the Rams. Ah, the Rams. The part of this analysis where my heart takes over and my head goes on vacation. I’m a 49ers fan, so I have a permanent opinion on the Rams franchise. Todd Gurley will meet the strong Saints run defense, and they’ll have a repeat of earlier this year when the Saints went toe-to-toe with Los Angeles and punched the Rams in their silly little mouths. They already have the formula to beat the Rams, so why not do it again?
There you have it, the iron-clad reasoning behind why the Colts will take on the Saints in the Super Bowl. As for the game itself? I predict… fun! for everyone. Personally, I am going to be smoking ribs and probably making some sort of seven-layer dip for snacking. Probably some wings, too. There will also be some horrifying advertisements, like recent hits Puppy Monkey Baby and “your kid could die so get some insurance.” There will be some overwrought half-time show with ~special guests~. As an afterthought, a football game will be played. The Saints fought very hard to never leave domes these playoffs, and they play much better in them. They’ll take down their fellow dome fighters, 45-34. Geaux Saints. WHO DAT?
For more articles like these Super Bowl predictions. check out our Divisional round predictions.
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